Krag the Unbeliever, ch 1

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

What specifically do you want us to pay attention to in this chapter, Fell?

[Fellfrosch]

In this chapter, I mostly want to know what you think of it overall. I'll ask some questions once you've read it, but for now I don't want to taint anyone's opinion.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

It's hard not to make the comparison between Krag and Sir Carl, though Krag is ultimately much less oblivious, except about his level of talent, and even that he's still less oblivious than Carl. Anyway, I'm just throwing htat out as an initial impression. That and the people worshipping a berry god seem like pansies, though at least they could be enraged enough to start a fight. Finally, I could visualize the scene very well, which is important. It's funny without being silly or ridiculous, which I think is a good point. Looking forward to chapter 2

[Entsuropi]

Comments:

Krag, he speaks like you. Uses phrases you use.
Very funny. Reminded me slightly of the Discworld.
The innkeeper getting angry - i assume this is due to some unmentioned reason?
Clan of the dead bear - great name, wonderful reasoning behind it.

Great stuff. Wanna read more! More, damnit, more! Oh wait, i already have the rest...

[Fellfrosch]

That's the biggest weakness in +m36y
writin
g3.6: my characters all sound like me3.6 5922.3H2opefully I can fix that in a rewrite.

(my 8-mlnthold boy helped me write this post, by teh way.)

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

you waited that long to start him? Rachael's only 4 months, and she helps me.

[Fellfrosch]

It's not that I started him, it's that he came over and started pushing buttons while I was typing. He's a headstrong little fellow, which is good considering how often he beats his head against some kind of solid object.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Woot, I encourage that Fell.

[Lieutenant Kije]

Head banging must be some kind of infant extreme sport.  He doesn't want to just drool or gurgle, he's got to have the head bang rush.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Alright, I've finished chapter 1 and I must say I enjoyed it a lot. Please get this one published.

I have no idea who this Carl is that SE is refering to, so I can't compare there.

The clan name is a good one.

My thoughts on why everyone started fighting: Since there is some sort of reason for those simplistic people (with the most confusing calendar) to sac as many villiages as they can, I think Krag uses his poor lute playing to bring the town(s) down on themselves.

Unless of course he doesn't participate in that. Then the scene is just a fun funny scene.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Yeah, I just assumed that, ironically, the "Ode to Peace" only drove them to anger beyond belief.

And the Krag-Carl connection being obscure is exactly why my complaint doesn't mean very much.

[Fellfrosch]

Krag was heavily based on Carl (my character in AORP, if you don't know), at least in the archetypal stage. I wanted to do the "guy who thinks he's a bard" bit, but I wanted to do it a little differently. Whereas Carl is a sissy who's no good at anything, Krag is a super buff barbarian who's an incredible warrior. It made the juxtaposition much funnier, for me at least, and gave me a chance to use the idea without just repeating an old character. Perhaps more than anything, I just really like the mental image of a huge barbarian dressed in furs and spikes and weilding a lute.

[House of Mustard]

Just finished it yesterday.  I don't want to taint the writing group with comments about the later parts of the book, so I'll just say that I enjoyed it immensely, and I'll email you with details.

[Lieutenant Kije]

Sorry, I'm super late.  I don't know what you've said already...Anyways.

Chapter 1
A few little pieces of Priet's thoughts, or their description, struck me as a too much, or too burdensome.  Not very many, though.
The story is obviously a comedy akin to Hitchhiker's Guide, etc.  It's easy to recognize that way.  And it works well.  I must admit, though, that the berry stuff really annoyed me.  Maybe I have a problem with berries, but it made me feel like I didn't want to read it when I learned that the God of Berries was the chief God.  Like that was almost too much.  (See chapter two comments, though.)

[Mistress of Darkness]

I felt that Chapter 1 was a solid beginning. Your biggest challenge is going to be transitioning from comedy to seriousness.

I think it might help to play up Krag's companion (the dead guy, can't remember his name) disillusionment with the gods. His words point to belief, but does he really believe? Unless this is a point you are developing later, I think it might lessen your audience's disgust with the berry gods if there is more than one character who thinks they are silly.