Peks 5

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

yup, comin up on that time. Here's what i want to discuss:

General opinion of the exodus. Too boring? peks vacillates between reactions here, respond to that.

The lady in blue is featured later, but not ever as a real character. How can I make her more, well, sexy, but keep the characters age 12?

Is there too much "They'd never seen anything like that before" in here?

Is the King's decision forced?

the reaction to Prince Johann. It seems a bit short to me, but I don't know if it's too brief and "by the way." did you even notice it?

Mercurius, scene 2. Do you feel like you got more out of it? He's kind of serving as a device to let Peks show his feelings, but it also establishes a relationship so they can talk later. What do you think of this?

[Mistress of Darkness]

Here's some of my stand out reactions. I'll have to reread the chapter to answer the others.

Exodus: No great standout, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Pek's vacilating seems a bit forced to me.

Lady in Blue: Self-explanitory. I don't think you need to try to make her more than what she is. More than anything she's a "symbol of manhood" . . . so to speak. The reactions of the boys to her and the words of their solider friend is all the characterization you need.

Prince Johann: Again, I think you've done a good job. You've got the foundation of the teasing of Isbeth, and the predjudice against her. On top of that you've added a sinister feel . . . there's more to this than just classes. Right now that seems all we need to know.