and one more thing....

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Stacy brings this up, I'll quote my text. Peks starts it off:

"There was a man, with skin and teeth and eyes and hair black as coal. His clothes too, like he was a big shadow, like light couldn't stay near him."

"Course he was all black. It was night in a snow storm. Ya couldn't see anythin'."

"But I could!" Peks insisted. "I couldn't see the trees, or the rocks or anythin'. But I could see him. Plain as I see ya now."

to which Stacy responds, "Then how could Peks see her face in the cave? Even less light in there"

Which is true. There's quite a bit of seeing tears and stuff in the cave.

So... how could he? Might she have brought a lantern even if she left home in early evening, expecting to be back before dark?

Or how can I fix this? I need to emphasize that despite the dark, and the blackness of hte figure, Peks can see the details.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

incidentally, this is the last thing I've to do with chapter 3 before I re-write the entire book

[Mistress of Darkness]

He should be able to hear her sniffling, sobbing if appropriate.

Rewrite? I thought you hadn't finished the book yet?

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

...although it occurs to me I should really have a name for this novel by now. Any thoughts on that?
The really cool title I have in mind gives away information that doesn't even come till the (potential) sequel, so I won't use it.

Another thought I had was to resurrect the original name of the Daerg Bah and use it for a title: The Dark Blade.

A Knight of Men just doesn't do it for me, though it strikes on a lot of the themes.

Of course, we could always revert to what I've been calling it anyway: Peks (and/or Peks' Tale)

opine, please.


As for not finishing, no, I haven't. I have 7 chapters or so left. But having watched EUOL write, who is a more skilled writer than I, I'm not so naive as to think I won't get away without at least one complete re-write of this novel if it is ever to be published. No worries, These 3 chapters are the ONLY revisions I'm doing before a complete first draft is done. I just wanted to have something presentable ready for this week. The next think the AS will see from me is Chapter 16 v.1

[Norm D. Plum]

Forget about Peks, he's just a figurehead, I think you should just call the story after the real main character, the dog, Caval.
Then it'd be Caval's Tale, or Caval's Tail if you prefer.

[Mistress of Darkness]

No worries, These 3 chapters are the ONLY revisions I'm doing before a complete first draft is done.

Ah. That's all that was worrying me.

I think "The Dark Blade" is a good working title, on the understanding that if a publishing house picks it up the editor will make you change the title if needed. I like Daerg Bah best though.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

well, the Daerg Bah will stay the Daerg Bah. "The Dark Blade" refers to something else.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

ARGH! So I resigned myself to just writing out the visual elements. of the earlier scene, it being dark, but there are three that I can't just substitute a sniff instead of a tear or something. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!

[Mistress of Darkness]

How's the scene coming?

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Oh, I changed most of the visual references to aural, dropped a couple, and completely remade others. It's done.  Remind me that chapter 16 needs to include a memory of the lilly pad colored eyes, because I thought it was a cool idea. I mean, do you want your eyes compared to a green pond? Knowing what makes the pond green? But at the same time, while it's not entirely complimentary, the comparison shows, at least, that he's paying attention.

[Oldie Black Witch]

At least it's not blueberry yogurt eyes.

[Mistress of Darkness]

I think lily pad is complimentary since lily pads are kind of romantic.