Local Authors > Stephanie Fowers
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guitarbabe:
Sorry guys, I feel like I haven't been able to get to the computer to check out what's going on on TimeWasters. I'm working on the queries (fixing up my sci-fi a little more) and my latest book, 'Meet Your Match.'
But if I could get ANY input on this I would be majorly grateful. 'Meet Your Match' is about a girl, who is trying to prove that girls really like nice guys...not jerks.
So, she makes a wager with the president of the bitter guys in the ward that she will get the biggest squirrelly girl (a girl, who only likes the guys, who are a challenge) to go for the nicest guy she knows (her best friend).
If she loses, bad things will happen, if she wins, bad things will happen...yadda yadda yadda.
So, here's some questions for the guys (and I REALLY hope I'm not giving away anything here):
What is the motivation for a guy to hook up with a girl, he's been friends with for a very very long time?
So, I need some votes.
1--Let's talk about the intimidation factor. Is it real? Can a guy be too intimidated by a girl to ask her out?
(I've heard, 'No, that's just a lie mothers tell their daughters to make them feel better about not getting dates.' I've also heard, "Oh yeah, girls scare me to death.' What's your take? Somewhere in the middle?)
2--Have you ever been just friends with a girl you wanted to date? Did it every go anywhere from there?
3--What were some of the signs you showed that she might've picked up? (Now, I've heard from some guys that this is ridiculous...the sign the guy gives is asking her out, but then I've heard from other guys that they take the sniper approach. They sneak up on the girl (generally one with 'scared of guy' tendencies) and get to know them better, so that the girl will fall for him that way? Again, what's most realistic?)
OR
Perhaps, I'm just taking the wrong tack on this? Perhaps a guy would never want to date a girl he was friends with? I've heard this too. So, if that's the case:
1-Have you ever been friends with a girl, but would never even think about dating her? Why?
2-(a continuation from question 1) Have you ever changed your mind about dating her? Was it too late?--or is it EVER too late (excluding the fact that she might be married)?
OR
Maybe, I'm still off track. Sooo, if I am...what is the most realistic reason for a guy to suddenly want to date a girl he's known for awhile?—or maybe it's not suddenly?
I'll take input from girls too (who knows it might've happened to you?--getting together with a guy friend, maybe even marrying one?)
Oh, and this is strictly for research purposes. I'm certainly not proposing or anything ;D
Lol, did I keep that in? I guess so.
Skar:
The first reason that came to mind for a guy to suddenly take a romantic (dating) interest in a girl he's been friends with for a while is competition. He's been comfortable with the girl and it never even occurs to him to step out of that "friendship" comfort zone but then somebody he knows starts showing a romantic interest in her, he feels jealous, realizes why and like an idiot at the same time, then, with that new perspective, starts pursuing her.
stacer:
I've been in situations where it's gone one way, and situations where it's gone the other way. There are many, many theories on this, so I think that as long as you characterize your individuals well, you'll pull it off no matter which way it works for your characters. I've known guys who decide right at the outset whether I'm in the "friend, never date" category, and I've known other guys who prefer to be friends for a long, long time before ever--if ever--exploring any "potential." ::)
I find I myself prefer a guy who can make up his mind one way or the other sooner rather than later. It means he either has enough interest or enough disinterest that he doesn't keep me wondering for years. Your character might be a guy who has been so decisive, but then comes to change his mind later, which is also believable. But if he's the wishy-washy type, she better be dumping him at the end.
guitarbabe:
Oh, I agree with the wishy washy type thing. That is so unnattractive. But being decisive one way or the other, now that's good. I also like Froskar's take on it. He just didn't know. That is so guy. Any more? These are good.
Eric James Stone:
> 1--Let's talk about the intimidation factor. Is it real?
> Can a guy be too intimidated by a girl to ask her out?
Yes, it's real. (She's good-looking, smart, charming and funny, which means a guy like me doesn't stand a chance, so why ask her out if I'm only going to get rejected?)
In some cases, though, the intimidation factor would also make friendship unlikely. If the guy's intimidated, he will tend to be awkward around her, which will actually increase the intimidation factor and make the guy not want to be around her.
However, it's still possible for the guy and the girl to become friends despite the intimdation factor if they are around each other enough that the guy can become comfortable. (For example, if they work on a long-term project together, etc.)
> 2--Have you ever been just friends with a girl you
> wanted to date? Did it every go anywhere from
> there?
Yes, several times.
Most of the time, I never ended up asking them out.
With one, she turned me down and we remained friends.
With another, eventually we went on a couple of dates. There wasn't any chemistry, so we went back to being friends.
> 3--What were some of the signs you showed that she
> might've picked up? (Now, I've heard from some guys
> that this is ridiculous...the sign the guy gives is asking
> her out, but then I've heard from other guys that they
> take the sniper approach. They sneak up on the girl
> (generally one with 'scared of guy' tendencies) and
> get to know them better, so that the girl will fall for
> him that way? Again, what's most realistic?)
Ah, now that's a tricky one. How can you tell the difference between a guy who's just being nice and a guy who's being nice because he's interested?
That's a problem you explored quite a bit in Rules of Engagement, and I think you handled it realistically.
If a guy is very nice to one girl and not to others, then that's generally a clue he's interested. But the reverse isn't true: sometimes a guy will hide his interest because revealing it makes him vulnerable to rejection. So he may not show any preferential treatment to someone he's interested in (or in extreme cases make a point of being nicer to everyone other than the girl he's interested in.)
So, the answer is it can be hard to tell unless the guy makes it obvious.
> Perhaps, I'm just taking the wrong tack on this?
> Perhaps a guy would never want to date a girl he
> was friends with? I've heard this too. So, if that's the
> case:
>
> 1-Have you ever been friends with a girl, but would
> never even think about dating her? Why?
Yes. I know this will make me sound superficial, but the only reason I would never even think about dating a girl who was a friend would be lack of physical attraction. But the truth is, if a guy's physically attracted to a girl, he'll think about dating her. He may conclude that dating her is not a good idea because of other reasons (personality, intelligence, taste in music, her football-player boyfriend, etc.), but he'll have thought about it.
> 2-(a continuation from question 1) Have you ever
> changed your mind about dating her? Was it too late?-
>-or is it EVER too late (excluding the fact that she
> might be married)?
Not that I can recall. Doesn't mean it couldn't happen. If the guy put the girl in his "not dating material" pool, it would take either an actual change by the girl (or possibly the guy) or else a change in the guy's perception of her to make him shift her into the "dating material" pool.
> Maybe, I'm still off track. Sooo, if I am...what is the
> most realistic reason for a guy to suddenly want to
> date a girl he's known for awhile?—or maybe
> it's not suddenly?
I think Froskar's example is a good one.
Some other possibilities:
- He's smart, she generally acts like a ditz, then he finds out she's smarter than she seems. (Or some it's some other quality he thought was lacking but now realizes she has.)
- He's intimidated and thinks she's "out of his league" for dating, then he gets a confidence boost.
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