Author Topic: What not to read  (Read 6771 times)

Archon

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #60 on: July 26, 2006, 03:53:58 AM »
Hey, I have read sections of the dictionary a time or two, and I almost went to a national spelling bee. I took fourth place in a state spelling bee one year. Did you really get beat up for that?

Just to sound on topic, I will add that I thoroughly despised Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. If you like description, snapshots, and imagery, this is the book that will ruin them all for you. It has all of those. Actually, I should say that it has nothing but those for hundreds of pages. Oh yeah, and it has a plot that takes up ten pages or so, cumulatively.
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neiana

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #61 on: July 30, 2006, 03:24:27 AM »
The Assassins of Tamurin by S.D. Tower... seriously... don't.  The premise was good enough, but the actual storytelling was rather pathetic in my opinion.  It dragged where it should have been quicker, it went too fast where it should have been slow, had no emotion, and was poorly realized as a whole.

Also, those who said don't read Dan Brown, I wholeheartedly agree.

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #62 on: July 31, 2006, 02:59:42 PM »
The Tommyknockers by Stephen King.

If he had just shortened the descriptions and content of the first two parts of the book, it would have made a really fun read; however, for the first two thirds of the book it's just drug on and on with no real interesting points until the final section.
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Sigyn

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #63 on: July 31, 2006, 04:07:38 PM »
Tinker by Wes Spencer.  I loved the world and the characters but it becomes saturated with R-rated material.  So unnecessary.
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Re: What not to read
« Reply #64 on: August 10, 2006, 08:23:30 PM »
So I just went to my bookshelves to find titles to list here.  (Suchaloser.)

Under no circumstances do I suggest either book:

Eldon Thompson's The Crimson Sword

or Monument, by Ian Graham.

The first one has the most predictable and cliche plotline I think I've ever seen.  And though Graham had a semi-decent sort of an idea, the story crawls alone.  I mean like would-do-well-to-finish-the-hundred-yard-dash-by-next-century crawls.

Of couse, this is just my opinon.  Feel free to argue.   :)
 

Nessa

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #65 on: August 20, 2006, 02:54:58 AM »
Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife by Linda Berdoll.

A sequel to Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Over-wrought and under-plotted, this raunchy book—while staying true to the characters (mostly)—has no real focus and meanders along, with a few tradgedies, inexplicable side-character behavior, and other sundry goings on.

I gave up on the book when I got a little over halfway. The prose is dreadful (I mean really, how many times can you say "betwixt" without sounding ridiculous?), although there is some witty dialogue.

Jane Austen would be scandalized if she were alive to read what others are writing about two of the most believed characters in fiction.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2006, 02:55:13 AM by MrsNessaC »
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Kuntrey_Pilgrum

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #66 on: August 20, 2006, 05:58:48 PM »
 The Oran trilogy books by Midori Snyder, because of the R-rated stuff in an Early Teen book. Also, join boycotting Jude Fisher with me. I just can't believe how much I had to stop reading her book to adjust from the latest evil. Some people enjoy books Hitler would feel comftorable with, but not me.
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PixelFish

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #67 on: August 28, 2006, 10:58:07 PM »
I'm gonna put Elizabeth Haydon's Rhapsody on this list. Rhapsody is the canonical Mary Sue* to end all Mary Sues. I started the book twice before I was able to actually read it, and the entire time I kept shouting comments into the next room to my boyfriend. And I think the book got thrown a few times across the room as well.

Basically, the titular main characters wangsts all the time about how nobody loves her and how ugly she is, despite the fact that she is drop dead gorgeous. The author spent way too much time telling us how kind and wonderful Rhapsody is, and how she can pick up magic just like that *snaps fingers* and how men crash their carts in the market place when they see her. It was VERY ANNOYING. And the constant over-the-top stupidity-induced modesty was cringe-worthy.

Also, there were some weird chronological issues with the story, involving large chunks of time passing. I kept having to refer to chapter and section starts to figure out what year we were in, and my brain kept asking if that was really consistent with the established timeline mentioned in dialogue. It kept dragging me out of the story.  

*Those unsure what a Mary Sue is can refer to this handy Wiki entry:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue
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Re: What not to read
« Reply #68 on: August 29, 2006, 02:27:26 AM »
I agree with that review of Rhapsody.  I'm always annoyed when Amazon recommends it to me.
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Shrain

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #69 on: August 29, 2006, 08:30:15 PM »
Me three. I tossed my pb copy of Rhapsody not long after she starts running from her ex-sugar daddy. What really sickened me was the seemingly unecessary prologue wherein a 14-year-old boy is "spliced" back in time by this cruel Meridion time-editor dude so that the kid can have sex (described quite provacatively) with a 13-year-old girl, whereafter the boy is wrenched back to his own time and learns that the girl never left the island that got destroyed by some cataclysmic tectnonic disturbance or something. it was disturbing, especially because what was the point? Was it is to show us that these evil time-editors exist?

Okay, okay, maybe you really had to read the rest of the book. Yet it gave me such a creepy feeling at how idyllic and "right" this sex was between these young kids. not only that but just the fact that Rhapsody was an ex-prostitute didn't bode well for me. I *rarely* swear off a book once I've begun. Yet I gave it another try or two and just kept feeling uneasy and distanced from the female protagonist.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2006, 08:31:54 PM by shrain78 »
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PixelFish

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #70 on: August 29, 2006, 09:54:30 PM »
Rhapsody spoilers below.....:
..

..

..

..
This will not be a surprise, but Rhapsody is that 13 year old girl. See, she was disappointed that her boyfriend never came to fetch her, and ran away from home trying to find him, and eventually had to turn to prostitution.

She eventually meets up with her soulmate under a different name and guise, and you basically want to smack them, because he's so attracted to her (as an adult) that he feels like he's cheating on his long-lost love (still her).




So yeah. The idiocy of these characters knows no bounds.
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Shrain

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #71 on: August 29, 2006, 10:20:22 PM »
Oh bruh-ther. (insert eye rolling here). I cared far less about her than the black-clad warrior dude who was betraying his master. Still, no regrets at tossing the book now that I know the "secret" of Rhapsody's identity.

I actually thought they couldn't be the same person because of certain historical cues--I guess my decoder ring was malfunctioning. But... how could they meet up again if the boy is put back in his own time, several hundred/thousand years in the future?? In fact, doesn't that oracle woman tell him that his girlfriend didn't escape the earthquake catacylsm thing?
« Last Edit: August 29, 2006, 10:23:40 PM by shrain78 »
Lord Ruler and Lady Protractor were off on vacation, thus the angles running amok.
--Spriggan

"The movie of my life must be really low-budget."
--Harry Dresden in DEAD BEAT

PixelFish

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #72 on: August 29, 2006, 11:32:42 PM »
Yeah, the die hard fans of the series seem to be all about the Achmed. (Me, I couldn't get over his name. Nor over Rhapsody's, for that matter.)


Ah, yes, the time jumping:


There's a prologue starting with Rhapsody barely turning fourteen and boinking her Soul Mate, who has been yanked out of time by mysterious forces.

Soul Mate comes from a future a thousand years after the destruction of Rhapsody's homeland. Seven years later, she's done her speed courses in prostitution and super mad Naming magic and beating up guys twice her size. (There seem to be a whole slew of chronological mishaps concerning these seven years, as sometimes she implies that she's been out of prostitution for a certain period of time. I get the dates from the chapter headings though.)

Rhaps travels along a temporally whacky tree root through the center of the earth with her two Bolg buddies. At some point she becomes a born-again virgin after travelling through dragonfire or something like that. Then she picks up a mythical and magical and totally-lost-in-the-mists-of-time sort of sword called the Clarion Daystar.

However, when Rhapsody ends up down in the core of the earth and travelling along some time-warping tree root, she pops out 1400 years after destruction of said homeland. Soul Mate should be about 400 years old, which shouldn't really be a problem as he is conveniently half-Lirin too, and his grandmama is an immortal dragonspawn, but still, he happens to be best friends with a 58 year old lord who can conveniently remember a childhood where the Soul Mate and Ye Olde Lord played as children. Similar chronological inconsistencies abound.

If you followed that....well, you are a better person than I am. I had to double check chapter headings repeatedly to put it all together. The author pulls this chronological whackiness all the time, maybe because it is Cool(TM).
« Last Edit: August 29, 2006, 11:33:59 PM by PixelFish »
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Shrain

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #73 on: August 30, 2006, 02:10:06 PM »
Holy chron-oly! That's incredibly obnoxious not to mention ridiculous. I'm amazed you could even summarize that mess! Whew. You know, it annoys me that two-bit books like this still get published when there are so many good, unpublished authors in the world. :P
Lord Ruler and Lady Protractor were off on vacation, thus the angles running amok.
--Spriggan

"The movie of my life must be really low-budget."
--Harry Dresden in DEAD BEAT

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Re: What not to read
« Reply #74 on: August 30, 2006, 02:12:22 PM »
like me.