Author Topic: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions  (Read 2401 times)

Mad Dr Jeffe

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Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« on: May 07, 2003, 01:06:24 PM »
With all the fan sites and predictions I thought I'd throw in some of my most outrageous predictions.

J-Lo will be in episode 3 as a female Wookie.

Jim Carey will make an appearence as a young Han Solo.

The movie will feature bow tie fighters.  
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Slant

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2003, 10:49:06 PM »
I predict:

T.I.E.-D.Y.E Fighters

Anakin using the Force to seduce Britney Spears

Yoda pimping out Padme

Han Solo as a whiny, pimply faced teen ager

Anakin's last line before he hits the lava:  "I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"
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The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2003, 11:40:01 AM »
R2-D2 has a higher midi-chlorian count than Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda combined, but since he's just a droid, they still get to treat him as if he were a piece of property. After making him pick cotton for a half century or so, he is assigned by the Jedi Counsel to watch over Anakin's (now Darth Vader) daughter as she grows up on Alderaan; without the comfort of a light saber, because weapons are illegal on the planet.

Chewbacca is abandoned by his family of Ewoks when they believe he is a giant incomprehensible mutant that will bring curses on their whole planet. Ironically, they're right.

And speaking of Ewoks, it turns out that the reason C-3PO was reluctant to pretend to be their god was that he had already tried it so he could receive the respect he felt he deserved. Life was good until he realized that he represented the God of Lightning Rods and spent a decade welded to the roof of an Ewok hut.

In his early days of following the dark side, Darth Vader spreads his wild oats and fathers the twins Lando Calrissian and Lobot. Of all his children, Lobot looks more his father than anyone else, even his younger brother Akbar.

Cutting him in half didn't kill Darth Maul, but he's pretty bitter about it. The legs didn't grow back, and he's got a really big scar where his waist should start. He now works as a bartender in Elko, Nevada.

Darth Vader, using a time machine, goes back in time and fathers Jabba the Hutt and Darth Maul. (Yes, they were twins)

In his most dramatic monologue, condemns the evils of the Modern Language Association Yoda does. Evil they are. Control you they will. Your speech they sensor. Confusion they bring

In his most fiendish plot ever, Emperor Palpatine produces a movie so greatly anticipated that people camp at theaters for a month or more to buy a ticket for opening night. In the ensuing excitement, he uses a Microsoft e-mail tracking program to shut down all other businesses, using the promise of $100 and a free copy of "Death Star 2000" to get people to forward it to all their friends.

Turns out that Darth Vader, while using the time machine, is the father of Obi-Wan, Palpatine, Yoda, Amidala, and himself.

(yeah, they're dumb, but I thought that was the point)

Mad Dr Jeffe

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2003, 11:48:59 AM »
Dont forget Darth Vaders experimental hot pink battlesuit and matching lightsaber.

Padme wears two cinnabuns in her hair.

Obi-wan developes a heroin habit, and has to go cold turkey to get off.
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The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2003, 01:12:21 PM »
Quote
Dont forget Darth Vaders experimental hot pink battlesuit and matching lightsaber.

Is that in the part where he teams up with the guys in black, red, blue, and green suits to make a giant robot?

Mad Dr Jeffe

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2003, 02:24:42 PM »
And Darth Forms the head!!!!!!
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Slant

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2003, 07:59:49 PM »
Yes, he's a Mighty Hoardin' Sour Vader.

Sorry, I really had to stretch a bit for THAT one.


MORE PREDICTIONS

Aurra Sing goes to the beach: sun block retailers make a financial killing!

C-3PO reveals that he and R2 are just really good friends.

Wookies revealed to actually be an advanced stage of Tribble life.

Two words: Velcro Jawas.

Padme wises up and gets a bodyguard who can actually see out of BOTH eyes.

Sebulba.  Dexter Jettster.  Soft music.  Dim lights.  A cask of Corellian wine.  Enough said.
"If you're going to shoot, then shoot; don't talk!"  -Tuco: The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2003, 08:06:55 PM »
Quote
Sebulba.  Dexter Jettster.  Soft music.  Dim lights.  A cask of Corellian wine.  Enough said.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

*rocks quietly in a corner muttering "happy place, happy place" over and over*

And wtf is Aurra Sing?

Mr_Pleasington

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2003, 08:12:53 PM »
She's teh very pale woman with red hair that got a lot of press between Ep I and II.  She's apparently some bounty hunter who specializes in hunting Jedi.  I only heard bits and pieces but she's on the front of a lot of merchandise.  

Rumor had it that she was going to have a big part in Ep II.  Rumor was wrong.  A million geeks lamented.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2003, 08:15:26 PM »
The one that showed up for like, half a second during the Boonta Eve race? Freaks on a leash....

Mr_Pleasington

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2003, 08:37:24 PM »
That's the one.

Slant

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2003, 12:21:06 AM »
Yeah, Aurra Sing is the albino bounty hunter chick with the grudge against Jedi who became mega-popular more through her comic book and novel appearances (and a very cool 12 inch action figure) than through actually doing anything in the movies.  I would compare her in such a way to Boba Fett, but millions of Fett-heads would crucify me.  

From what I hear from those who read the novels, right after episode II, Aurra is the one who brings Boba Fett to Tyranus.  Soon after she steals Slave I and takes Boba to the vaults of Kamino (I think) where she uses him to open his father's vault and then takes all the money from Boba and disappears.  Those of you who read the books probably have a better idea of the plotline than me.  

Yes, she WAS supposed to be the new Sith apprentice, but they chose to go for a 75 year old man instead.  Makes perfect sense to me.  The actress who plays her, Michonne Borrigue, is a 23 year old model (20 when she shot the scene) and is too cute for words.  She shows up at conventions and I have a pic of me lifting her up at the con last October.

At any rate, minor character that she is, I still like her.  I was one of the million geeks who lamented.

::)
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Gargamel

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2003, 07:33:45 AM »
yoda says to anakin. Im your father luke... i mean darth vader... i mean anakin. and then theres a flashback scene of yoda makin love to anakins mother (yoda had a afro back then).
Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
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Mr_Pleasington

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2003, 04:40:52 PM »
Wow.

Now there's an image I didn't need...

:o

Arathorn

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Re: Most outrageous Star Wars Predictions
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2003, 11:20:29 PM »
Hey, even yoda gets lonely sometimes.

Must be hard to find a race of(what is he anyway?) short green people that just look weird.