Timewaster's Guide Archive

Ok, resent the email and this time the .doc file is actually attached.

Hello all,

In chapter 2 Tommy continues his experience in the book world.  He meets the great wolf chief Rendall and gains his first talent.  At the end of the first chapter he finds himself on the edge of a battle and finds to his horror that he is in charge.

Chapter 1 Tommy Travers loves books,  He doesn't have any friends, doesn't care about sports and doesn't bother with girls.  At least not yet.  When he turns fourteen is when it all started.  As Tommy is reading his greatest wish is granted.  He is pulled into the story and gets to meet the characters and live the adventures he has always dreamed about.  His first experience is in People of the Plains, a book about a tribe of people who live with, and communicate with wolves.  He is pulled in during the hunt of a great buck.  Tommy gets to experience first hand the difference between reading and living an adventure.

Sir Robert

For this week, I am sending a short story I wrote recently: "Apostle of Death."

Was it just me/my account, or was there no story attached to the email?

The chapter flows well,  but I worry that we’re now three chapters in and nothing has really happened yet other than two of the three characters are going to move to the location of the other main character. In this chapter we have a third perspective to follow, after hardly getting to know the previous two. I’m still looking for a hook to a greater story line, but so far I’m not seeing it yet. This chapter, like the previous two is a setup for a POV character, but not of the greater story and that’s what I’m missing most.

[...] it’s like we’re getting the character far before their story-lines actually begin. Instead of in late, out early, we’re starting way early. They don’t really have any conflicts or problems yet either, big or small.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.  I've been thinking about this for a bit (on and off), and between your comments, some other thoughts that I've had, and listing to the Writing Excuses MICE episode, I'm convinced that something is off in these opening chapters.  I'm not sure what to do about it right now, unfortunately, but I'm going to be thinking about it and looking at some options.  Including possibly just cutting them off and starting later, although I doubt that's the (entirely) correct thing to do.

Some of your other comments raised some questions from me, at least partly because I didn't think I was giving that impression or I thought I had set up a potential conflict.

Sancha’s big concern is getting a mission, which she gets in the same chapter when she’s sent to Zandras.

I realize this was in the previous chapter, but I wondered if others had the same impression you did.  Anyway, Sancha is already in Zandras, as the Ministry is headquartered there.  Additionally, the assignment she gets is viewed by Jorvail and the other agents as a step above busy-work; it may be necessary, but they don't really want to do it.

If you have comments on where things were confusing or how I might clear the text up, I'd be happy to hear them.

[Beatrus is] going to marry a prince; is there a better husband imaginable?

This is one where I wondered if I properly communicated a potential conflict.  She's being sent to be betrothed to Miki's older brother, the eldest of the siblings.  This is the same one who already received a public offer of betrothal from another nation, so there's a risk of the prince not even being available by the time she gets there.  Again, if this was confusing or not clear, I'd like to know so I can work on making it more obvious.

I don’t know what Miki wants, but he’s happy where he is too.

I agree that Miki is the one I've most lacking in conflict at the beginning.  As I mentioned, I'm trying to figure out how to make the conflicts more prominent.  It doesn't help that I'm starting to reconsider my ending as well, so what I want to be setting up may change in the near future.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

Giving this a bump since it's off the first page and only had one reply so far