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Messages - vadia

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31
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: March 01, 2007, 06:30:22 AM »
I know it was mentioned but
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Even as she watched, she got it wrong.  The cloth wiggled across the room, but
I think you meant to say "as he watched"
But I do feel that the beginning here is a little formulaic -- the heroine is a great learner at breath.  I think that may slightly go against your rules of magic -- I'd expect vivena to have mental blocks -- not great learner -- only explanation is that it has a link to her hair.

I also find something jarring about how Vasher looks at how well Vivena and then jumps into "Even as he watched" Maybe a "yet as he watched" would be less jarring"

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Of course, the mechanics of how he moved about on the ropes were far more complicated than they seemed.  His Command incorporated making the rope respond to taps of his finger along its length.  One had to get it just right when one spoke it, because once an Awakening happened, no further Command could be given.  Awakening was different from creating a Lifeless--they had brains, and could interpret Commands and requests.  The rope had none of that; it could only act on its original instructions.
that line feels like you really want to catch up on explanations of the magic system and either needs to be earlier or assumed IMNSHO
If you wish to state it in less words maybe you could take the next paragraph and merge them
Setting off prearranged commands with a few taps, he lowered himself back down.   Unknowingly, Vivenna turned her back to him again as she picked up another colored swatch to use as fuel when she Awakened her cup-fetching ribbon.
 
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You can’t tell, Vasher replied.
In my tired state I read it as a question, maybe if Vasher had told the blade not to be silly or something it would have been clearer, or maybe I should go to bed.

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What does it matter if he sees me practicing? she thought, flushing.  It’s not like I have anything to hide.
  There is no pause between these thoughts and that makes it incongruous.

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I’ve tried other leads, but the truth is that most everything I try seems a step behind Denth. 
  seems is a weak  word.

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She still mulled over their conversation about Awakening.  Less because of what he’d said.  More because of the way he’d said it. 
again maybe it's that I'm tired but the period between said and more seemed wrong Maybe a semicolon will work.

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However, she was beginning to suspect that it was the light. 
I thought for a second I missed something about a mystic light -- perhaps you meant city's light?

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They left behind places with street lights, and even lit windows, moving into the slums.
probably  the places with street. . . is stronger.

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Two guards,” Vasher said.  “Both silenced.”
silenced sounds like a euphamism for killed more than knocked out.

I think that you ought to have a special font/style for Nightblade -- so that I don't think somebody elses thoughts -- here Vivena's are Nightblade's thoughts.

HA I WAS RIGHT
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quietly apologizing to each one
life giving -- not animating!

I definately think that the word format is jarring and my tiredness doesn't help, but for a draft it's quite good.  I've seen final copies of your collegues works that weren't as well crafted despite their loftier reputation.

32
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Ham's corner -- points to ponder
« on: February 27, 2007, 05:34:21 PM »
Clearly that won't work, in that his family is indubidably a great inspiration.  We would end up with less books and replies due to moodiness and surliness and the quality would decrease also -- or were you being sarcastic?

 ???That gets me thinking, does sarcasm erode at the truth?

33
Brandon Sanderson / Ham's corner -- points to ponder
« on: February 26, 2007, 09:48:47 PM »
If we support Brandon, then he will get all sorts of fan mail and fame and the effect could be quite negative.  He won't have time to spend with us.  It will inevitably effect his family by taking away his time from them.  And the temptation to give in to the new fame might get to his head. 
Perhaps we shouldn't support him.  (3... 2... 1... Breeze's head explodes) 

34
Brandon Sanderson / Re: A compairison of chrachters' deaths in the works of B. Sanderson ** SPOILERS**
« on: February 26, 2007, 07:29:31 PM »
Although it's probably better in some ways to post this in Warbreaker; I think that it would disrupt the story flow to have us mourn over Peprin.

Elantris was a much more pondering book and therefore a break in the flow was the flow.  In Warbreaker (especially at that point) Peprin is an effective way to have a shoking torture (though it is quick enough that I mostly felt like Vivena's shock, myself.

35
Brandon Sanderson / Re: A compairison of chrachters' deaths in the works of B. Sanderson ** SPOILERS
« on: February 25, 2007, 07:49:48 PM »
Quote from: dreamking47 on February 25, 2007, 06:22:51 PM
I agree about Peprin in Warbreaker, although remember what we've been reading are just early drafts so it's not quite equivalent to the two published books as an example.  Hopefully by the time the book is published Peprin and his relationship to Vivenna, and Vivenna's reaction to his death, will all be fleshed out a little more.  I also would suggest however that his death is not meant to be comparable in emotional impact to a death like Hrathen's (who BTW I respected but never "liked").  I wouldn't be at all surprised if there is death to come in Warbreaker that does better fit your principles.

MattD

No, quite the opposite, Peprin may not be somebody B. Sanderson wished for us to mourn.  That is an important part of the "principles" -- it allows one to decide more fully whether the reader will mourn the character or not. 
Because of his placement in the book (beginning of avalanche) mourning Peprin may be quite disruptive to the action flow.

36
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: February 25, 2007, 06:02:22 PM »
Quote from: dreamking47 on February 24, 2007, 01:12:28 AM

As far as I can tell (and despite Vasher's explanation), Breath seems to be, conceptually, an animating force rather than a lifeforce. 

Unless you are wrong -- for the Returned it does seem to be a life-force and not an animating force.  (maybe they should have an ichor alcohol transfusion.  du!)

37
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Sanderson's First Law
« on: February 25, 2007, 01:55:26 PM »
It is notable that in some systems (such as the Harry Potter system of magic) you have the backwards Deux ex machina.  The character learns something in the beginning of the book and now you know it will be used at the very end of the book to make everything go right.

On page 8 we see Harry learn the "Nameless one gets turned into a newt" spell and we know that the nameless one will turn into a newt and he does.

A way to avoid the backwards DEM is to do like B. Sanderson, who has the effects happen throughout the book in Mistborn -- even ones which aren't used in the end (like pewter exhaustion).

38
Brandon Sanderson / A compairison of chrachters' deaths in the works of B. Sanderson ** SPOILERS**
« on: February 25, 2007, 06:03:46 AM »
SPOILERS

Given the works I have seen so far in B. Sanderson, I have found that only in Elantris was I affected by character's deaths. 
Why?

Let us first look at the deaths in Elantris.   Saolin was the first to die, we were just getting to know him and see that he was probably going to be severely injured, but I thought "hey he'd be brought back by the end -- every Elantris citizen would come back -- just you watch!."  So, when he died and they led him to the lake, and Rao mourned over him so bitterly, I was touched. 
The head of the military and Raoil died, but for some reason I didn't feel much connection to them.  Maybe I felt some for Raoil, but I did not sense anything especially noteworthy about him.
Katara was killed next (as far as I recall, maybe there were some minor characters I don't recall), but for her the death was really quite quick -- in the self proclaimed Brandon Avalanche, if I recall, and I did not mourn her. 
Hrathren, while I didn't feel any grief over his death, per se, was the character I best knew of the set of dead characters, but he was a villain -- shockingly his death touched me the most of all.  Having turned from logic and obedience to faith and morality, from a villain to a hero and being Eulogized for it in his own words -- well even now writing about it -- I am moved.

In Warbreaker the princess's sidekick is killed by the three mercs, but the shocking realization that the mercs were possibly the only villians per se in the whole book and the whole speed of the scene kept me from feeling his death there.  Furthermore, the death occurred off screen.  Finally the side-kick was just beginning to maybe become a character in my mind with his bitterness about being taken for granted, but I don't think that he had become "real" in my eyes.

As for Mistborn, I felt that Kelsier would die from very early on in the book -- there were two Mistborn, one we got the whole view of, and one we didn't, Kelsier was obsessed about "powerful religions" -- which told me of his martyr streak and finally, I knew there was a sequel forthcoming and Kelsier had no place in that sequel because as Vin wonders, "Would any man be able to relinquish that kind of power?"  Furthermore Kelsier's death was in the middle of the action with little time given to mourning.

So, given B. Sanderson's books as a model for understanding my emotions in the place of literature, a death of a character to have an affect on a reader ought to take into account these things:
  • The reader must be famillar with and like the character
  • The death should happen on screen enough for it to fully register
  • The death should be mourned by the other characters or at least be given its own time for mourning
  • Forshadowing can be used to heighten or detract from the power of the death

Given thought on those principles an author can more able to decide how to make the deaths that they want to be mourned more potent.

39
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Sanderson's First Law
« on: February 21, 2007, 06:59:55 PM »
given the essay it would be more accurate to say

Sanderson’s First Law of Magics: An author’s ability to solve conflict with magic is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how well the reader feels that he understands said magic.

And yes, I do believe in gender neutral words -- "he" just happens to be one of them

40
Brandon Sanderson / Re: EUOLogy #17 (Tolkien)
« on: February 21, 2007, 06:54:22 PM »
Quote from: Lé C'valyi d'Jade on February 21, 2007, 11:43:49 AM

Who has created like Tolkien did, so richly?  I cannot think of a single writer.  In taking their shortcuts, they've made Elves and Dwarves and Wizards and Orcs cheap in the sense that we now think of them.  They're writing stories, and the races have just become props.

That's not how Professor Tolkien did it.  And maybe it's better for writing more books, I don't think Fantasy will produce anything like what he wrote while the focus is on writing books, and not on crafting a mythology.

I'm not sure that is what makes writing so great or not
Rather greatness is the way that the author uses his writings -- I have seen a work which was quite purposefully based on Tolkien -- which can make one look at the world quite differently.  (Jacqueline Carey's Godslayer series)   
Alternatively Great writing makes (helps) one feel strong emotions -- and we don't imnsho need more excitement --  but the catharsis at the frustration of our own lives may be vital.

To make a Warbreaker analogy if when coming out of a book we feel like Vivieran (sp?) after exiting the slums and perhaps try to, like her, do something better that is a great book if not, well, I'm sure that we had entertainment, but fear that the book has something to improve on.

Personally, my favorite book has deeply effected my relationship with music -- impressive for a medium without sound, no?

41
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: February 21, 2007, 06:40:34 PM »
Quote from: DavidB on February 21, 2007, 12:29:15 AM
Vadia--

Speaking of anal... ;)

I think the convention is that the Halladrens don't speak English (that would be an even bigger coincidence than them reinventing Freud), so Brandon has helpfully translated their speech and their slang into something that would make sense to his audience, all at no extra charge.



It's possible, just thought that perhaps Brandon would have liked my comments. . . or not whatever.

42
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: February 20, 2007, 07:09:58 PM »
Another line which gave me pause
Bluefingers the Anal
Wouldn't that be derived from Anal-retentative, a principle from freud.  Which means that
a) they have the same messed up psychology
b) that level of technology is in 1900's level tech (for understanding psychology)
and
c) the slang developed the same.

Given the culture I would have thought that a color would be more apt.  Bluefingers the Grey or something.  The science is obviously heavily influenced by Biochromatics and therefore the terms would parallel.

I just decided to edit my posts “That’s the thing, Spook,”   should be Scoot.

If there are multiple colored inks for each letter why is he bluefingers? wouldn't his fingers be smudged with multiple colors?
Or am I not understanding something?

It will only get worse, she thought as the doctor doing his examination.  Susebron, the God King.   I don't get what Siri is saying here.

Siri paused.  How could he tell. . . . 
   And then she saw it.  She had to look very closely, but the yellow on the floor around the surgeon looked a tad brighter than that more distance  How could he tell . . ? maybe -- but an elipsis question is hard to punctuate -- I am not sure it needs an elipsis it could be distracting
More distant?

The capitol G on god bothers me -- capitol G means a monotheistic God -- as in that's His name.   A god is one of many -- yet the word god is capitolized when it's clear that the god in quesiton is one of many.

Beside them were a minstrels that Lightsong had called for, yet hadn’t yet asked to   was a minstral? were minstrals?

Politics, my dear,” he said with a sigh.  “You know how I loath them   this usage is loathe I am loath to tell you that though.  I just loathe this post.  

“They were taken to quarters outside the Court of Gods, Vessel.   Didn't the priests ask them to go home?  It might have been better to say "reluctantly given quarters"

It might be the transferral to word and spell check but the first time I saw Denth I misread it as Death -- quite shocking actually.

43
Brandon Sanderson / EUOLogy #17 (Tolkien)
« on: February 20, 2007, 06:28:19 PM »
On http://www.brandonsanderson.com/article.php?id=22
Though the point about copying Tolkien is quite apt, I think that it is not Tolkien's fault at all.  Any forerunner is copied extensively until it can expand (then the expantions are also extensively copied etc.).  The only quesiton is does it have enough to carry itself and it's clones into an actual genre instead of disappearing in the night?
Tolkien was essentially the third tier of his craft -- first tier: proto-fantasy, Second tier: George MacDonald's generation and then Tolkien's generation.  It is a small wonder that Tolkien became the main foundation for the craft as perhaps the first book set in a wholy fantastic setting.  (mythology had fantastic and human together.)

The only thing that Tolkien may have done to increase the cloning is to put different well known aspects of mythology into a coherant whole instead of C.S. Lewis who merely hodge-podged together Narnia.  This allowed for a commonality which Narnia did not. 

Similarly Star Trek has the odd looking humans with a few cultural differences, but fundamentally just your next door Russian plague which bled over to Star wars and countless other Sci Fi series -- until somebody got the idea -- what if aliens actually acted alien (harder than you might think). 
Until Murder she wrote (not a technical term) and Hard Boiled mysteries most every mystery seemed to be the English variety -- the author seemed more interested in making the detective seem smart than give any real insight into what the detective was doing until the Crime lab shows the genre had only these three.

44
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: February 20, 2007, 05:58:17 PM »
Later, after Siri had traveled even further away.  Yet, Vivenna rose.  She was obedient; it was the way she had been trained.  That was one of the things that had always separated her from Siri

This line also confused me for a moment. 

I think that maybe it should be
Latar, after Siri had traveled even furhter away.
Yet, etc.,

45
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Warbreaker: Free Ebook
« on: February 20, 2007, 05:49:09 PM »
Quote from: dreamking47 on February 20, 2007, 02:20:07 PM
If Breath needs to extract color/chroma (which is reflected/refracted light) from the surrounding environment to work, then if there is no light it might not be usable.  And it might be more difficult to use if there was minimal light.  I guess the question is whether the graying of surrounding material is a matter of chemistry or physics.

I think that "biochroma" is the same sort of word as "bioluminescence" -- specifically involving life ("bio-"), in this case the "colors of life."  There's also actually a difference in meaning between "hanged" (executed) and "hung" (suspended from).

MattD
I agree, but when reading the draft -- those things made me think of certain elements that I did not think that Brandon wanted his audience to think of.  Therefore, I thought I might point it out.
I figured it out within a few paragraphs or sentences, but it didn't flow like Elantris and Mistborn and I fear that a new reader might get bogged down with those points.

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