16
Howard Tayler / Now *I'm* doing that thing with my eyes...
« on: September 03, 2009, 04:43:32 AM »
We don't get to see Schlock break the others out of jail? No Schlock team on the next job? Phooey.
News:
Max is a Shadowblade, a supernatural--and supernaturally competent--warrior bound to protect her witch Giselle. As a Shadowblade, Max doesn't age. She is better, faster, stronger than any ordinary human being. And she hates it. Giselle betrayed her trust to make Max what she is, and though she is magically compelled to protect Giselle and follow orders, Max works against her witch in every way she can. Continue reading Bitter Night
Review by Silk
Discuss it in our forums.
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17
Movies and TV / The Star Wars Kid comes to the big screen?
« on: September 01, 2009, 03:00:49 AM »
So I saw a trailer for M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender, and it fell pretty flat. I was probably the only person in the theater laughing. Why was I laughing?
Because it reminded me of the Star Wars Kid. Ouch. Will Shyamalan ever make another movie worth seeing?
Because it reminded me of the Star Wars Kid. Ouch. Will Shyamalan ever make another movie worth seeing?
18
Howard Tayler / And thus, a new company of mercenaries is born
« on: August 30, 2009, 07:20:38 AM »
I love this comic strip so much.
I don't have much to say beyond that and the subject line.
I don't have much to say beyond that and the subject line.
19
Howard Tayler / How long can Schlock survive without air?
« on: August 22, 2009, 04:17:04 AM »
Sergeant Schlock is currently submerged in the Marinaris Reservoir. From the comic, it looks like he's pretty deep, and making no effort to surface.
The question is, how long can he stay down there? Well, OK, there are two questions here, and the first is easy. Based on Schlock's past extravehicular activities in space, he can survive, dormant and frozen in a vacuum, forever. So, I suspect he could stay underwater indefinitely.
What we don't know is how long he can remain active without oxygen. Does he require oxygen to function? He certainly needs a source of energy to drive his activities, and redox reactions make the most sense. How far do you suppose he can swim underwater before he shuts down?
What would be really cool is if he could use that chemical factory in his belly to split the water and survive off of that, or even just absorb dissolved oxygen, as fish do. Based on what we've seen from Schlock in the past, I see no reason why he shouldn't be able to do this. IF Howard decides to do this, color me impressed: these amorphs keep getting cooler and cooler, even after nine years.
The question is, how long can he stay down there? Well, OK, there are two questions here, and the first is easy. Based on Schlock's past extravehicular activities in space, he can survive, dormant and frozen in a vacuum, forever. So, I suspect he could stay underwater indefinitely.
What we don't know is how long he can remain active without oxygen. Does he require oxygen to function? He certainly needs a source of energy to drive his activities, and redox reactions make the most sense. How far do you suppose he can swim underwater before he shuts down?
What would be really cool is if he could use that chemical factory in his belly to split the water and survive off of that, or even just absorb dissolved oxygen, as fish do. Based on what we've seen from Schlock in the past, I see no reason why he shouldn't be able to do this. IF Howard decides to do this, color me impressed: these amorphs keep getting cooler and cooler, even after nine years.
20
Howard Tayler / Lost mah shins in the WWII
« on: June 06, 2009, 04:25:53 AM »
Is it just me, or does it look like Chelle got cut off at the shins?
(In case you were wondering, the title is a reference to Hank Hill's dad, who once gave a hilarious account of how he lost his shins in WWII.)
(In case you were wondering, the title is a reference to Hank Hill's dad, who once gave a hilarious account of how he lost his shins in WWII.)
21
Movies and TV / Reliving my childhood: The Secret of NIMH
« on: June 01, 2009, 10:34:25 AM »
Rewatching a movie that I used to love as a child is an odd experience. The Secret of NIMH is one of those movies that I watched many times as a little kid, then never encountered since. I didn't remember much about it before watching it again, but as I watched, a scene here and a phrase there resonated with the childhood memories buried deep in my brain.
Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, watching a kid's movie as an adult, but it surprised me. Yes, its storyline is as simple as you would expect from a movie targeted at young audiences, but what it lacks in complexity it makes up for in depth. It carries an emotional weight that is far beyond most films of its ilk.
What I remembered best about the film, and what impacted me most as a child, was its atmosphere. Though I wasn't hit nearly as hard by it now as I was then, I could still appreciate it. The tone of the beautiful backgrounds is always dark, mystical, and brooding, while the characters are, for the most part, gentle and cutesy (though, thankfully, they don't act the part). The contrast between the two creates a wonderful effect.
What I did not remember at all about the film, and what surprised me the most, was the music. The score is beautifully orchestrated. Unlike so many animated kid's movies, this is not a musical, for which I am deeply grateful. However, the symphonic sounds added at least as much to the atmosphere as did the artwork.
Lastly, one of the voice actresses is named Hermione, proving that, sadly, there are parents in this world who would inflict that name on their children. The world would be a better place if it were just the heinous invention of JK Rowling's mind.
Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, watching a kid's movie as an adult, but it surprised me. Yes, its storyline is as simple as you would expect from a movie targeted at young audiences, but what it lacks in complexity it makes up for in depth. It carries an emotional weight that is far beyond most films of its ilk.
What I remembered best about the film, and what impacted me most as a child, was its atmosphere. Though I wasn't hit nearly as hard by it now as I was then, I could still appreciate it. The tone of the beautiful backgrounds is always dark, mystical, and brooding, while the characters are, for the most part, gentle and cutesy (though, thankfully, they don't act the part). The contrast between the two creates a wonderful effect.
What I did not remember at all about the film, and what surprised me the most, was the music. The score is beautifully orchestrated. Unlike so many animated kid's movies, this is not a musical, for which I am deeply grateful. However, the symphonic sounds added at least as much to the atmosphere as did the artwork.
Lastly, one of the voice actresses is named Hermione, proving that, sadly, there are parents in this world who would inflict that name on their children. The world would be a better place if it were just the heinous invention of JK Rowling's mind.
22
Rants and Stuff / Hey, lighting industry: Where are my LED lightbulbs?
« on: May 17, 2009, 08:47:08 AM »
LED's have taken the battery-powered lighting industry by storm. Headlamps, flashlights, you name it: all come in LED varieties. It's not hard to see why: LEDs use very little power, enabling battery life figures above 100 hours; they are quite bright despite this fact; and, what's more, for all practical purposes they last forever.
However, for home lighting, compact flourescents are all the rage these days. These bulbs are a big step up from incandescents: they last around 5 times as long (though they get dimmer towards the end of their life), and they use about a fifth as much power, as well. However, they have their flaws as well: they're expensive, and as they contain mercury, they need special disposal.
Incandescents are to compact flourescents as compact flourescents are to LEDs. An LED lightbulb would sip power and last practically forever. From an environmental impact standpoint, they'd be a huge win. So where are they? Why is nobody working on this?
However, for home lighting, compact flourescents are all the rage these days. These bulbs are a big step up from incandescents: they last around 5 times as long (though they get dimmer towards the end of their life), and they use about a fifth as much power, as well. However, they have their flaws as well: they're expensive, and as they contain mercury, they need special disposal.
Incandescents are to compact flourescents as compact flourescents are to LEDs. An LED lightbulb would sip power and last practically forever. From an environmental impact standpoint, they'd be a huge win. So where are they? Why is nobody working on this?
23
Howard Tayler / The ommminous hummm!
« on: May 17, 2009, 04:28:37 AM »
It's been so long since that was used. I love it!
I do worry about Schlock losing memories whenever he gets burned, though.
I do worry about Schlock losing memories whenever he gets burned, though.
24
Movies and TV / My review of Monsters vs. Aliens
« on: May 01, 2009, 10:45:01 PM »
I submitted this to the front page two weeks ago. I figure that, since it hasn't shown up yet, it just wasn't good enough to make the cut. (If I'm mistaken, sorry!)
In any case, there's no sense in letting it go to waste, sitting forlorn and neglected on my hard drive. So, here you go. Hope someone finds this useful.
--------------------------
Dreamworks Animation has something of a mixed track record when it comes to the quality of the movies they make. On the one hand, they have produced wonderful, hilarious, groundbreaking films like "Shrek" or "Kung Fu Panda". On the other, they have produced films, like "Over the Hedge", that can charitably be described as "average".
It is thus with some anxiety that I went to see Dreamworks' latest effort, "Monsters vs. Aliens", in 3D. Which Dreamworks would show up to the party? Would I be treated to a deep comedic masterpiece, or shallow, barely-watchable claptrap? I hope it won't spoil the review to tell you that, in fact, it was neither.
We follow the story of Suzan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon), whose life is changed forever when awesome powers fall from the heavens and smack her on the head. She makes new and unusual friends, battles enormous robot probes, and discovers the inner strength to do amazing things. I'm being deliberately vague in this summary, because this is a film where knowing too much beforehand would spoil the fun.
And it is a tremendous amount of fun. It is both visually grand and steeped in visual comedy, and is relentlessly funny from start to finish. Many of the laughs are delivered through an amorphous, gelatinous, sentient blob of goo that eats everything. His name is B.O.B., his voice is named Seth Rogen, and he will make you laugh every time he opens his copious mouth. Add in a psychotic general (Kiefer Sutherland), a mad scientist (Hugh Laurie) with the appearance and abilities of a cockroach, and a caricatured President voiced by none other than Stephen Colbert, and you have a recipe for comedic success.
The 3D contributed to the spectacle and was done well enough that it faded into the background (and the foreground, and the middleground, and...). You could watch this film without the 3D and still have a good time; however, why would you want to? It's worth whatever extra charge the theater puts on the tickets to see it in 3D.
Unfortunately, "Monsters vs. Aliens" is not very deep; it has a shallow plot and shallow characters. It trades suspense and intrigue for gags and jokes, especially in the climactic final battle, where we never fear that the heros might fail. Additionally, some of the dialog and imagery is a bit campy, clearly paying homage to and parodying the B-movies from which its plot was surely inspired.
But never mind all that. Yes, it could have been better had the writers made it deeper, but it never promised to be deep. It promised to be a tremendous amount of fun, and delivered flawlessly on that promise. Go see this movie. If you, like me, are a child pretending to be an adult, you will leave the theater with a big, stupid grin on your face.
"Monsters vs. Aliens" is rated PG, I would assume because it blows a lot of stuff up. However, there is nothing in the film that I would want to keep from children of any age, so take the whole family. If your kids enjoyed Pixar's "The Incredibles", they should get a kick out of this film too.
In any case, there's no sense in letting it go to waste, sitting forlorn and neglected on my hard drive. So, here you go. Hope someone finds this useful.
--------------------------
Dreamworks Animation has something of a mixed track record when it comes to the quality of the movies they make. On the one hand, they have produced wonderful, hilarious, groundbreaking films like "Shrek" or "Kung Fu Panda". On the other, they have produced films, like "Over the Hedge", that can charitably be described as "average".
It is thus with some anxiety that I went to see Dreamworks' latest effort, "Monsters vs. Aliens", in 3D. Which Dreamworks would show up to the party? Would I be treated to a deep comedic masterpiece, or shallow, barely-watchable claptrap? I hope it won't spoil the review to tell you that, in fact, it was neither.
We follow the story of Suzan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon), whose life is changed forever when awesome powers fall from the heavens and smack her on the head. She makes new and unusual friends, battles enormous robot probes, and discovers the inner strength to do amazing things. I'm being deliberately vague in this summary, because this is a film where knowing too much beforehand would spoil the fun.
And it is a tremendous amount of fun. It is both visually grand and steeped in visual comedy, and is relentlessly funny from start to finish. Many of the laughs are delivered through an amorphous, gelatinous, sentient blob of goo that eats everything. His name is B.O.B., his voice is named Seth Rogen, and he will make you laugh every time he opens his copious mouth. Add in a psychotic general (Kiefer Sutherland), a mad scientist (Hugh Laurie) with the appearance and abilities of a cockroach, and a caricatured President voiced by none other than Stephen Colbert, and you have a recipe for comedic success.
The 3D contributed to the spectacle and was done well enough that it faded into the background (and the foreground, and the middleground, and...). You could watch this film without the 3D and still have a good time; however, why would you want to? It's worth whatever extra charge the theater puts on the tickets to see it in 3D.
Unfortunately, "Monsters vs. Aliens" is not very deep; it has a shallow plot and shallow characters. It trades suspense and intrigue for gags and jokes, especially in the climactic final battle, where we never fear that the heros might fail. Additionally, some of the dialog and imagery is a bit campy, clearly paying homage to and parodying the B-movies from which its plot was surely inspired.
But never mind all that. Yes, it could have been better had the writers made it deeper, but it never promised to be deep. It promised to be a tremendous amount of fun, and delivered flawlessly on that promise. Go see this movie. If you, like me, are a child pretending to be an adult, you will leave the theater with a big, stupid grin on your face.
"Monsters vs. Aliens" is rated PG, I would assume because it blows a lot of stuff up. However, there is nothing in the film that I would want to keep from children of any age, so take the whole family. If your kids enjoyed Pixar's "The Incredibles", they should get a kick out of this film too.
25
Reading Excuses / Progress and Submission Reports
« on: April 27, 2009, 07:13:12 AM »
I find that sharing my progress on a project helps motivate me to work on it, so I'm making this thread as a place for any who desire to report on their progress. I also want to be able to keep up with how we, as a writing group, are doing on submitting and *gasp* selling stories, and hope others will join me in reporting that, too.
I have no idea if this will catch on, but it seems like a good idea at the moment.
I have no idea if this will catch on, but it seems like a good idea at the moment.
26
Reading Excuses / 20 April 2009 - ryos - Sea of Sand part 3
« on: April 21, 2009, 12:01:23 PM »
This is the end of Sea of Sand. Are you sad? Me, I'm happy. I've never finished a story like this before, and it makes me happy to have finished this.
Of course, tomorrow I'll wake up and realize I have to revise the thing. But, for now, I'm riding the high. (And the loopyness of staying up 'till 5 A.M. to do it.)
Thank you all for your comments so far. I look forward to hearing from you on this segment.
Of course, tomorrow I'll wake up and realize I have to revise the thing. But, for now, I'm riding the high. (And the loopyness of staying up 'till 5 A.M. to do it.)
Thank you all for your comments so far. I look forward to hearing from you on this segment.
27
Movies and TV / Battle for Terra
« on: April 18, 2009, 05:15:58 AM »
I seem to remember a discussion somewhere on this forum (though where it might be escapes me) about how, in fictional encounters with aliens, the aliens are always vastly more advanced. Then, I went to see Monsters vs. Aliens, and saw a preview for Battle for Terra.
Watch the trailer. Now...I can't decide. Will this be worth seeing? Will it be awesome, or awful?
I think, however the story pans out, that it will be visually stunning. I saw the preview in 3D in the theater, and it was incredible. It may be worth seeing just for that.
Watch the trailer. Now...I can't decide. Will this be worth seeing? Will it be awesome, or awful?
I think, however the story pans out, that it will be visually stunning. I saw the preview in 3D in the theater, and it was incredible. It may be worth seeing just for that.
28
Reading Excuses / 6 April 2009 - Sea of Sand - Part 2
« on: April 06, 2009, 08:42:47 AM »
As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated!
29
Howard Tayler / I'm so pathetic
« on: April 04, 2009, 04:27:17 AM »
So I'm sitting here, having pointed my browser at schlockmercenary.com, watching the little spinning gear on my web browser that means "nuh-uh, not loading sucker". Howard's web server appears to be experiencing technical difficulties.
After canceling and refreshing a few times (you'd be surprised how often that works), I actually said to my computer, "Dang it, load! I need my Schlock!" (Aaaand, as I was typing this, it loaded.
)
It's funny how something as simple as a webcomic that consistently updates every day at 9PM has become a part of my life. Last summer, when I was on vacation at Lake Powell, I remember sitting on top of a houseboat, looking up at a gorgeous night sky (the kind that you just don't see that often anymore), and thinking, "Looks like it's about 9:00. Time for Schlock!"
Of course, I had neither a clock to verify that it was actually time for Schlock nor the means to obtain said Schlock fix. I'm not so hooked that this caused serious withdrawal, but I did remember to check the comic, even then. What have you done, Howard? What have you unleashed upon us? The world doesn't stand a chance.
After canceling and refreshing a few times (you'd be surprised how often that works), I actually said to my computer, "Dang it, load! I need my Schlock!" (Aaaand, as I was typing this, it loaded.
)It's funny how something as simple as a webcomic that consistently updates every day at 9PM has become a part of my life. Last summer, when I was on vacation at Lake Powell, I remember sitting on top of a houseboat, looking up at a gorgeous night sky (the kind that you just don't see that often anymore), and thinking, "Looks like it's about 9:00. Time for Schlock!"
Of course, I had neither a clock to verify that it was actually time for Schlock nor the means to obtain said Schlock fix. I'm not so hooked that this caused serious withdrawal, but I did remember to check the comic, even then. What have you done, Howard? What have you unleashed upon us? The world doesn't stand a chance.
30
Writing Group / OK, ok, Ok, oK
« on: April 03, 2009, 04:58:46 AM »
Something's been bugging me lately. What's the "proper, accepted" way to capitalize "OK"? Not that it's a very proper word to begin with, but still, it would be nice not to have to worry about it.