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Messages - Flo_the_G

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136
Reading Excuses / Re: 15-12-08 - Cold Feet
« on: December 15, 2008, 12:08:31 PM »
"It took all the courage in my body" - reads a bit as if the narrator were somehow seperated from their body.

I had the same vague impression that the narrator was female, but I can't really say why.

Near the end the thoughts seemed a bit too sombre and gloomy. I would have expected a touch of self-mockery when the comparison of the narrator to the cigarette stub came up. As is, it's a bit over the top.

I too think that it's well written, but a tad too short to say for sure whether I'd be interested in the story or not. But I'd be willing to read on to find out.  ;)

137
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: December 15, 2008, 11:35:20 AM »
Han shot first, end of discussion. Claiming that Greedo so much as had a twitch in his trigger finger is heresy. Heresy, I say! >:(

138
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: December 14, 2008, 12:06:42 PM »
I don't, because I can never remember any that are of any use, ever.

"These are not the droids you're looking for."

...

139
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 14, 2008, 12:04:53 PM »
"I suck and I'm a horrible writer"
Aren't we all? ;D
You might want to try some outlining before you start writing (and I mean outlining scene by scene, beginning to end), and then forbid yourself to work on anything else till at least your first draft is done, no matter how horrible it seems to be. In my case it helped, I think.

140
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: December 13, 2008, 10:50:12 PM »
Wait, there are women on the internet? :o

141
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 13, 2008, 11:13:02 AM »
Thereby just the act of typing becomes my first real revision of the text.
That's exactly the line of thought that led to me writing by hand. But like I said: work. :-\
I guess I'll try typing the next novel, see how that goes, and then try to draw some clever conclusions.

142
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 13, 2008, 01:33:08 AM »
That was a freak event.
That's what they all say. :P

I'll gladly join the ranks of the slow writers. In my case it's made worse through my brilliant idea of writing the first draft by hand. That feels far too much like work, and once I'm done with the draft I probably won't try that again. Ever. Unless the result should turn out to be a work of literary genius, of course.

Descriptions are another problem, like M I tend to be, uh, economical with that kind of thing.

As to strengths, I like to believe I can write fairly good action scenes. Which is, naturally, of no use whatsoever for my current project.  ::)

143
Reading Excuses / Re: Fateshapers - Ch1
« on: December 09, 2008, 11:56:23 PM »
The beginning was far too cluttered. Mainly with indistinguishable people, as has already been said, but also with references to actions. There was something about tables that were moved around that was only mentioned once and then never again. Then there's the fact that noone remarks on the bloke with the bloody knives, they all seem to take that in stride when I would expect at least mild interest to show.

The setting isn't at all clear, first you think it's a normal urban setting, then you think urban fantasy, and then you're completely confused. ;D

A longsword made of copper?

When Lias goes to get the necklace he falls, grabs the necklace, and falls again, without standing up in between - or did I miss that?

The Warden is either healed far too quickly or described as far too wounded. After that fight I would have either expected him to croak, or to remark on his miraculous recovery.

A better introduction would have been in order, even only a few short moments of talking would have sufficed, something to better establish setting and characters.

That said, the pacing was excellent and made for a very good read. The flashbacks were a bit irritating, but in a good way. They seemed to fit in quite well, and they gave just enough information to leave the reader slightly confused but very interested to find out what the hell is going on.

144
I was a bit surprised when the priest pulled out a pocket watch towards the end, as for some reason I was under the impression that the time setting was earlier.

Also, the priest said a lot of stuff that people wouldn't normally voice out loud. For example, when he was talking about the wire they had used to cut the prisoner's body, people would normally picture it all in their head instead of describing it to the person who experienced it.

And the two religions haven't  separated themselves in my mind yet. When they were both named in one sentence I couldn't tell/remember which was which.
What he said, especially the bit about the religions. I wouldn't have minded that had things got clearer later on, but I assume that's all in the second part of the chapter.^^
Especially towards the end there were lots of terms that weren't exactly clear to me, but those didn't keep me from reading on. You managed to make the world interesting even though I had the impression that most of the time I had no idea what the two people were really talking about, and I can't wait to read the huge battle scene that all of this simply must lead to sooner or later.

145
Reading Excuses / Re: 12-01-08 Aspirations Chapters 1-7
« on: December 08, 2008, 03:42:32 PM »
As too the dialogue switch, yes that was on purpose.  I had the idea that if you have a shape-shifter then accents would also change with the shape.
I didn't really get the shape-shifter thing. Or rather, I did get that he changed shape, but I made no connection to the accent, which was incidentally horrible to read, but that has all been said.  ;)
What irritated me, especially near the beginning, was that you used no contractions when I would have expected them. That disrupted the impression of the narrator actually narrating, because it seemed as though you were making an effort to avoid all contractions.
I also found the fact that the narrator thinks so readily of magic when the ring won't come off mildly irritating.

Your chapters were too short, for my liking. I didn't really see the need to put "Chapter X" all the time, but I think that's mostly due to the ever growing chapter numbers, the breaks were all in the right places. It's more of a cosmetic problem, I suppose.

Apart from that, the story was intriguing, and the scene in the hotel room was indeed the best one. It definitely left me wanting to know what was going to happen next.

146
Reading Excuses / Re: Crashers
« on: December 08, 2008, 03:18:03 PM »
I'm with Raethe on the "not a class"-thing, the fact that the class seemed to consist only of debating was a bit irritating. And, of course, I'm with everyone else as regards the need for a scene between the two debates.

What I didn't get at all was the feeling that the scenes were merely there to accomodate an infodump. Maybe this means that I'm part of exactly the geeky technology-loving target audience... In any case, while reading I made no notes whatsoever, because I simply wanted to know how the story goes on - in fact I still do, and not only due to the mysterious falling picture.

147
Reading Excuses / Re: What would you like to do?
« on: December 05, 2008, 12:55:06 AM »
Meh, technically Avalon's idea is great, but the first option is just too neat and orderly for me not to vote for it. And it means I don't have to apply for anything, which is good, because applying could possibly be considered as some kind of an effort and hence work. ;D

148
Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: December 04, 2008, 12:25:55 PM »
wait, how's your Dutch?
Add an e and an s and I'll say that my Deutsch is excellent.
I might be able to understand a word or two of your novel, maybe even get the gist of a few (short) sentences and guess at others... it worked with milk cartons and the like when I was in Amsterdam a few years back, a novel can't be all that different, right? Right? ::)

149
Reading Excuses / Re: The Rules Of Reading Excuses
« on: December 04, 2008, 11:12:40 AM »
I don't even have chapters yet... I'm not even sure if I need them, though.

Anyway: more readers are a good thing, they make me feel less silly. ;)

150
Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: December 04, 2008, 11:07:25 AM »
Everyone else puts me to shame. I haven't looked at a single piece yet. Soon... soon I shall...
Not everyone else... by tomorrow evening I'll have done most of what bogged me down these last two weeks, though, and then there'll be only the writing of one short essay standing between me and all those shiny submissions... 'bout time.

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