Thanks for the comments. Most of the problems with Aedon's opinions on Lenalt happened in the revision of the revision, when Lenalt suddenly became much more competent than he had been before, but also more insecure (
because of the issues with the magi being too powerful you were describing). Essentially, I was having trouble conveying the right attitudes. Aedon basically thinks that in military matters, Lenalt is a brilliant commander, but he annoys him to death as a person, and he's really annoyed at Lenalt's insecurity with magi. (Yes, I know this was kind of written weirdly, but the intent was to convey these attitudes. I just didn't really do it very well. At all)
And yes, there are problems with the numbers. I just started whipping out numbers left and right. Hmmmm. Forty-three forts. (there should probably be around eleven or twelve at most, based on my map that I have). 15k per fort (once again, too high). Then I got to the end, where I put the 650k, and just did the multiplication. That was the point when I realized that there were some serious issues with the numbers, but I was too lazy to go back and change them. So this isn't me being
totally ignorant, just not really paying attention at first, then not going back to change it. (My numbers that I actually had initially planned out are apparently too high as well, though, since I had actually planned to have Aedon have around 50-60k soldiers, with around 500 Deviators. That's going to be changing a bit, now, which, ironically enough, should also help with your issues with mages. I think part of the problem too is that all of my viewpoint characters are mages, who associate with mages, and as such it makes it seem like everybody is a mage. I'm hoping that when you run into a few more characters who aren't mages, or when my characters go to places where no one is a mage, you'll like this a bit more. So hang on for a bit)
I'll get more into how regular soldiers are used, and why you can't just use a ton of magi (though most of the action in this book does heavily involve magi) a little bit later, so don't give up hope yet. I probably do need to make it clear in this chapter though that magi are not, in fact, all powerful, and that having them doesn't automatically make your forces win.
Aedon does say several things that are kind of chumpy. I'm actually really glad that you don't like him/are annoyed by him. This is sort of the reaction I want about Aedon (at least a little bit). However, my concern is that it's TOO much, ie, you'll read it and go, this guy is such a typical villain. I know exactly what's going to happen. I'm not even going to bother reading the rest of the story. This guy is just too annoying to me. That, or that you'll think he's incompetent, which he's not, far from it.
He should be slightly less painful to read in his next viewpoint, because I'll have a bit more time to make sure I get his opinions on various things straight between now and then.
As to the whole power level thing, I find it funny, because I actually do have a ranking chart of all my magi (though it's based on who would beat who in a fight, based on pure skill and the various things they know how to do with Deviation that others don't). Although, Aedon isn't quite ranked 1,000,000. I put him at 100. Also, I did mention that he was more powerful than the other chaosmagi a few too many times.
Your issues with the scene with Aedon killing Veia stem largely from me knowing things that you don't that you probably should know, and so should Aedon though in this scene's internal thought, he doesn't. Like the fact that there are about 20 Chaosmagi (or at least there were, and that might be changing), and 16 of them are completely and totally loyal to Aedon. 2, He doesn't know where they stand (but they're too cautious to openly confront him like this), and 2 (the ones mentioned) openly dislike him. He's actually been trying to find an excuse to kill these two for a while. Not really sure why I didn't put that in there, since without it it comes across as him just being kind of chumpy:).
The sword - yes. You are right. I don't know why Aedon doesn't just Deviate to take off the guy's head. Faster and more effective. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was thinking as though Aedon was not in fact a Deviator for a while. It also may have been an attempt to show that Lenalt was still around (I had a couple of those, and I wrote this last week, so I don't actually remember which ones were which).
Moving way back to conventional warfare vs magical, there is a reason to have walls, even though magi can take them out. This is a failure on my part, as I totally failed to have Aedon react to it, but he should be somewhat surprised and or shocked that the Kreala were able to take out the walls. I'm not sure if I'll eventually explain that here or not, but you'll get an explanation in an upcoming chapter, so I'll leave it at that for now.
Lastly, on the issue of you being mean, you're not. You're being constructive. These are actually some of the best comments I've had so far, because they tell me exactly what I did wrong and what I managed to pull off the way I wanted too (though some of that was completely unintentional on your part
). Don't worry about hurting my feelings (as I've mentioned before, I have none), I actually really appreciate your post.
And I'm glad you feel the writing is better than last submission's. I would be very sad if you didn't (but I would still want you to tell me).
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