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Messages - Comatose

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Reading Excuses / Re: Progress and Submission Reports
« on: July 23, 2010, 02:45:12 AM »
Silk, I'm still trying to get around to reading "Fall Stars Fall."  I've just been procrastinating.  I haven't forgotten about it though!

I'm still not getting your comments in the document... Either I'm not using the program properly, or the one I'm using can't read them.

Just so you know, the beast and the Queen are two different characters.  You corrected my "he lives" to "she lives," but it was meant to be "he" as I was referring to the beast.  Looking back, it should actually read "it."

Also the "waters of Kepp" is not a formal name for a place.  Kepp is an island, with water surrounding it.  The waters around it are constantly stormy due too... a number of things that would take a while to explain.  The point is, do I still need to capitalize "waters," when the word is not part of a formal name?  Or perhaps I just need to be clear that I am not talking about the waters of the Fountain of Youth.

If by audience you mean the reader... He should never be aware of the reader.  What passage in particular made you think that?  The significant terms problem, of course, comes from it being near the end of part four.  All these terms should be introduced before this scene. 

What is he trying to change her mind about?  I intended for her to be trying to convince him that what she did was for the best.  He's just supposed to be rebutting her arguments, not actively persuading her of anything.

Sorry about the questions.  Like I said, I'm not getting your comments, so I was just looking for a little elaboration on what you wrote here.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 20, 2010, 10:26:32 PM »
You want ruthless, watch Hard Candy.

What do you guys think of starting a poll about how terrismen were pictured?   I always pictured them as the same race as everyone else, perhaps paler, but many people seem to have pictured darker skinned, or even black.
Do you guys in the second camp also picture the Lord Ruler this way?  And Peter, is it all right to ask how brandon pictured the races in Mistborn?

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Awakening: Immoral Practice?
« on: July 20, 2010, 10:14:22 PM »
I really like the family heirloom idea, but there's a problem with it.
To have any real power as an awakener, you need at least the first heightening, if not higher.  That means at least 50 generations will need to have passed for someone in the family to gain awakening.  True, during this time your entire family may be more healthy and live longer, but it's still not going to amount to much (this could be sped by everyone in the family giving their breath to one person on they die, as per the investment suggestion).
In short, I don't think awakeners could exist if people did not sell their breaths.  As the system is, I was wondering throughout the book where all the breaths came from, and why EVERYONE wasn't a drab already.  First, each God needs a breath a week.  Let's say there are ten gods for easniness' sake (I don't know the actual number, but I think it's around there).  Each takes a breath a week, assuming years are the same length as ours, that's 520 new drabs per year.  Plus 104 more for the God King, since he usually takes two per week.  Every two years, there are about one thousand new drabs.  True, more people die and are born than that in two years, but I still think it's significant portion of the population.  Especially when you take into consideration how many awakeners there are.  There are many who have reached the first heightening (I believe most of the higher nobility and priesthood has).  For each one of them, there are fifty new drabs.  Vivenna and Vasher are significantly more powerful, and though they are rare, they are not alone, thus that's more breaths out of the system.  Also, every lifeless costs a single breath to make, and breaths are also sometimes lost (as Vasher demonstrated).
Sorry for being long winded.  Basically my point is, Awakening could not exist without the current system UNLESS the collection of breaths on the deathbed was highly standardized, concentrating these breaths into certain people, not just passed down through families.

I actually kind of like the idea of waiting to introduce Adam.  I'll keep that in mind.

No it was very helpful.  Some of your thoughts are exactly what I want Readers to think at this point in the book.
Trinian is Eshra's body guard, but he's held that position since she was born, so they have more of a relationship than is normal.

Adam is one of Eshra's body guards, but he's  currently training at the University before he joins Trinian in her service.

Your assumption that the Queen is a puppet ruler is one that some of the other characters will make later on....

Overall, this was a great critique, you gave me a lot of stuff to work on, that I feel is really manageable.  Thank-you!

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 08, 2010, 06:40:34 PM »
Here's a question.  Did most people picture the Terrismen as african-american?   I didn't, but I've noticed several people, and not just on TWG have chosen black actors for the part of Sazed.  Just because they are supposed to be northernors, I've always pictured them as overly pale, and if they were darker skinned, you'd think the Lord Ruler would stand out more.  I don't know, I just thought it was interesting.

Also, Morgan Freeman's voice is too deep fro Sazed.  Remember, he's a eunuch.

I just found Drizzt's constant moral dilemmas to be annoying.  By the end of the first book I read (not the first in the series mind you) I got it, he's a good guy.  A very good guy.  But every action he makes that might possibly be seen as 'not right,' he goes over and over in his head, trying to rationalize it.  What Drizzt really needs is some real flaws.

Of the forgotten realms, the books I really enjoyed were the War of the Spider Queen books.  I think true dark elves are really interesting, and several of the authors brought up some interesting dilemma's for the characters.  I particularily liked the friendship of Pharaun and Ryld.

Reading Excuses / Re: Progress and Submission Reports
« on: July 08, 2010, 02:25:27 AM »
Don't worry, your critiques haven't discouraged me (my job has, but that's another story).  I'm actually am noticing my writing improving in the more recent chapters.  Please keep them coming!  Let me know what I'm doing good or bad.  Like I said before, this is the first advice I've really ever gotten on my writing, so anything an everything helps!

I'll take this latest advice to heart though... I do really want to see that first draft done.  Maybe I'll make July and August my own personal NaNoWriMo's, and just push through to the end ;).

As for progress... I've had none the last week.  Bogged down at work (ugh), I've got to learn to write when tired and sleep deprived!

It would be nice to get the first draft done, but I've kind of hit my first blank part in the plot.  I've knew the first two parts before I wrote them, and I have the ending all mapped out, but the first part of this third section, I'm not quite sure how to proceed.  I thought I'd rewrite while I figured it out.

I wanted to give the Queen and the Earth child normal names, and for me you don't get more normal than Jane and John, but if it's jarring perhaps I will revise them.  I've been trying to integrate created names and real names, and so far I've gotten no complaints with Adam, Felix, etc.  Do you think the fact that they sound too modern is what's jarring for you?  Or is it just that the names are too 'normal'?

I'll take a listen to the podcast, reread the dialogue a bit, and try and smooth things out.

Now that you've seen the other side of the Queen, do you have any ideas for my viewpoint problem?  I want to show her change as a character, but to do so I'm showing her side of the story, and thus destroying the tension.

I'm already planning on cutting all of Gareth's viewpoints.  Most of them aren't needed, and the one's that are can probably be shuffled around to different characters.  Lots of them are just, "I'm going to attack now," type scenes, so cutting them will probably be good.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 07, 2010, 01:14:18 AM »
It's a curiousity thing.  Like why people stare at train wrecks.
I have the season on dvd, so I'll probably just go with your suggestion afterwards to console myself.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Breeze's Girlfriend?
« on: July 06, 2010, 10:13:46 PM »
I don't think the Church of the Survivor is that kind of thing.  He is a sort of priest, is he not?
I really liked Demoux evolution through the three books.  It reminds me of Spook's in a way.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: How did you find out about Brandon Sanderson?
« on: July 06, 2010, 10:11:45 PM »
Lightsong was definately my favorite character in those books.  Well, maybe second favorite.  The first was Nightblood.  Best character ever!

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 06, 2010, 10:10:29 PM »
I haven't seen airbender yet, but feel compelled too.  I'm also dreading it.  WHY???!!!

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 06, 2010, 04:45:23 AM »
Obsessiforge, you gotta stop.  Please.  I can't take such jokes any more.
Megan Fox?
I say all the actors for Mistborn should be chosen from the family channel. ;)

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