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Messages - Comatose

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Brandon Sanderson / Re: WoK: Shalan - near end of book **SPOILERS**
« on: September 03, 2010, 10:23:38 PM »
The Shallan chapters were actually my favorites, at least until Kaladin got exciting (I hate reading depression, and he was depressed for quite a while).  You should read them, they are great.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: *WoK Spoilers* The Almighty?
« on: September 02, 2010, 08:39:43 PM »
I thought the part two epigraphs were hoid addressing the almighty.  I just thought it was hoid from the second paragraph, I don't know why, though his knowledge of other worlds implies it is him, or at least another shard.  He calls the one he is addressing old several times, which leads me to believe he is an original shard holder.

What he says implies that Aona and Skai were the two shards on Sel, and both are dead, due to the Raod, caused by Rayse/Odium.  I think the "splinters" of them (or of Aona at least) are the Seons.  True, they were around before the raod, but perhaps they acted for Aona as the mists did for Preservation, and now they are just all on they're own... I don't know if that works, but I think the Seons are involved with the shards somehow...

And as the Almighty is dead, we can't really call him an active shard anymore.

Also, I think Hoid's appearance in this book confirms he hops through worlds without a shard.  None of the other shards we have seen ever appear as a solid person until they are dead (true we've only seen two FOR SURE, but I believe it to be true).

New thought: What if the shardblades and shardplates are the splinters of the almighty's power?

Brandon Sanderson / Re: WoK: Shalan - near end of book **SPOILERS**
« on: September 02, 2010, 08:25:54 PM »
She also says that her the night was disasterous.  This implies that her fathers death was an accident, but it could also mean whatever caused her to do it was the disaster.

We know SHE didn't try to use the soulcaster, otherwise she would know how and realize Jasnah's was a fake right away.

Perhaps her father did something wrong, was out of control, and she killed him to save everyone else?  I don't know, jsut my brain fizz/

I'm so happy to finally be done that book and theorizing again.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: WoK ARCs
« on: August 17, 2010, 08:11:54 PM »

Reading Excuses / Re: Progress and Submission Reports
« on: August 12, 2010, 06:17:56 AM »
You know you've been reading too much WOT when:

All your female characters suddenly start smoothing their dresses and arching their eyebrows before doing anything.  I saw the joke in Brandon's forum, but I still keep catching myself.  At least NO ONE is tugging their braid...

Brandon Sanderson / Re: [Spoilers] Just finished Mistborn... confused
« on: August 11, 2010, 08:52:56 PM »
Mistborn with the leeching power, I think, would be very interesting.  First of all, most allomancers would most likely cover themselves from head to toe, as (I believe) the skin must be touched for it to work.   Touching another's skin and burning the metal before they can  would be a quick and easy way to end a fight, but dangerous, because they would have just as much a chance of burning it first...

Reading Excuses / Re: June 23 - Silk - Fall, Stars, Fall - L
« on: August 03, 2010, 09:11:35 AM »
Finally, I'm done.
Keep in mind, I read the second version you sent me.  From the little I read of the first, you did a good job of clarifying when it was Janna and when it was Aryl.  This is a good thing, because I found after the first shift in viewpoint, I didn't notice the tense any more.  It was just Aryl and Janna, not present and past.  I liked your choices for both of them.  Congrats for pulling of present tense.

It did move a little slow for my taste, but the pacing suited the story.  I would have liked a little more dialogue and character interaction, but I don't know where I would have put it.  It was very clean with no unnessessary details, and I liked the comparison drawn between Aryl and Janna when Janna finds her way up to the cliffs, and the way they think of the stars.

Questions:  What was Aryl's relationship to Karson (sp?)  I know he is Janna's father (although that wasn't completely clear at first, but easily figured out, so no changes are needed).  Janna's feelings toward Aryl at the beginning, led me to believe Aryl was some sort of romantic interest of her father, but the interaction between the two was totally platonic.  I could be grasping at straws here (it is 2 am), but that was just my initial thoughts.

I also wondered about the lights thing.  To have a city full of lights without magic or electricity would be extremely impractical.  The imagery is nice, but if they are lanterns, it seems unrealistic.  Your world doesn't seem to be inclined to any particular period, so I'm sure any choice you make will work.

Great read.  glad I finally got around to it!

Reading Excuses / Re: Aug 2 - Daddy Warpig - When Gods War, Part 1
« on: August 03, 2010, 07:31:10 AM »
Wow.  That was great!!!
I hope you didn't think I was saying they had to have sex.  It just seemed like it was natural for them to in the other scene.  Now you could go either way.  I like it with the sex, but I would like it without as well.  It's completely up to you.  Don't let our suggestions make it anything other than your story.
Disclaimer out of the way, great response to suggestion!  I felt immensly more attached to both characters, and I liked the build up to the destruction of the city, very sodom and gommorah.  I also liked the new way you split up the sections.  I especially liked the title 'paradise,'  It makes a really nice picture, like they are the only two people left in the world, and nothing else matters.  You made the sexual tension much more realistic, and both characters were more consistent. 
Agree with Valkyn!

Reading Excuses / Re: July 19 - Daddy Warpig - When Gods War, Chap 1
« on: July 30, 2010, 12:38:24 AM »
Something accidental would definately work better.  It would make her seem less manipulating, easier to trust, and more real. 

Top definately dropped. 

I noticed the similarities to mistborn as well, but the same way I might notice them in Ocean's eleven, so it's pretty much just archetypes.  Aslo, I read the title for this thread before seeing the movie, and Ellen Page is my pick for Vin in the mistborn movie.

It also really reminded me A LOT of Shutter Island (and not just because Leonardo Decaprio is the lead).  The characters he plays is also very similar.  Both lost their wife, both are to blame for her death, both are mentally unstable because of this.

PS: When he said he married her because of a dream, I totally thought she had performed inception to plant the idea in his head.  but I was wrong!

It worked, thanks.  It was good to finally get those comments.  As usual, I have a few follow up questions.

As this is actually near the ending, the terms 'Earth Staff' 'Faerie Key' etc. will have been explained at this point.  Would the paragraph have worked for you if all the terms had been explained to you before?

I don't know what the comment "WoT Mud Mobols" means.  I'm not getting the reference.  Perhaps I haven't read far enough in wheel of time (I'm just finishing shadow rising).  To answer your question though, Auroks are the magic users in my story (a collective term for both Aurok-Hals like Adam and Aurok-Hons like Trinian).  I don't think I'd consider them a separate species.

As for the tone.  The Earth Child is an ancient character obviously, he's lived as long as the Queen.  Since this scene is written from his point of view, I was trying to make the tone fit him.  I'm just using the typical third person limited narrator, and changing viewpoint to viewpoint.  If I keep the tone consistent in each of his viewpoints will it work, or is it so different from the others' that it will be jarring?

Thanks again for all the critiques!

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Movie-Casting?
« on: July 26, 2010, 07:28:35 PM »
The terris stewards stand out partly because of their height and abnormally long limbs which comes from being a eunuch.  Other than that, I think it is mostly their brightly coloured dress and body decoration (primarily the stretched ear lobes) that sets them apart.  The Lord Ruler is Terris and imitates a noble, but I suppose he might have changed his physique with the power.  Camon also impersonates a nobleman and as far as we know, he has no noble blood.  In a discussion I believe Ham mentions that the only difference between Skaa and Nobles is that Skaa have more children and are usually shorter, which could be due to malnutrition.

Rants and Stuff / Re: Grumpiness in New, Seasonal Flavours
« on: July 24, 2010, 05:34:08 AM »
Nosebleeds suck. The end

Agree.  I used to get them every other day.  Literally.  For a while it was at LEAST once a week.  Now I'm on a several months nosebleed free!  I think it helps that this summer saskatchewan decided to be humid and tropical instead of pushing summer back until september like it did last yeaer.

Is it normal  for it to rain every day for short periods of time on and off on the prairie?  I like rain, but...  It's kind of freaking me out.  Like we're gonna turn back into an inland sea or something.

Brandon Sanderson / Re: Funny pic that sums up the Wheel of Time
« on: July 24, 2010, 05:28:11 AM »
you had me at the braid-tugging.

Me too.  It's nice finally being able to get these jokes, despite only being on book four. :)

Reading Excuses / Re: July 19 - Daddy Warpig - When Gods War, Chap 1
« on: July 23, 2010, 03:13:03 AM »
I agree with what some others have been saying: your tone is fairly poetic, and the "ass" line jarred me.  It didn't seem to fit with your prose up to that point.  It was like you just through it in to say "yeah, this has language in it."  I'm not saying you shouldn't use it, I'm just saying it felt out of place to me, given the tone of the previous sections.  Of course, there is also a reason for this, since your switching to his limited viewpoint, and as a soldier, we would be more crass.  I agree with lethal falcon, use crotch.  If you are going to show is personality on this way, don't just throw in a couple of words here and there.  I think the whole section should be written a little more roughly. 

Part three and the start of part four lost me completely (probably until I was jarred out of my stupor by the "ass" line).  I was reading mechanically at this point, not taking anything in, and I had to go back and read again to understand what was going on.  As a reader, I hate doing this (and it happens at least once in many books I've read).  I guess I'm saying either lose part three and tell us about the city being destroyed as he digs himself out, or make the city falling more interesting.  It kind of fell short for me after your very epic description of the gods at war.

To me, the part with the girl just did not work.  She strips him, bathes him, strips and baths in front of him, and acting all flirtatious, and then not having sex with him.  Now if she's a tease, I can expect that, but the way she curls up and goes to sleep next to him and he wakes to find her crying suggests she's not a tease.  It wasa bit too bi polar for me.  I also felt he should be more resistant, despite his urges, because she is an enemy.  If you had just given her race I wouldn't have thought that, but since you deliberately call her an enemy, I thought he should be more distrustful.

It sounds like you have more story to back this up, but as is, there's nothing in this chapter really grabbing my attention and making me want more.  I'd suggest fleshing it out a bit, and splitting it into two or three chapters.  One with the god's warring and the city falling.  And you could choose to either do him digging himself out and being found and his waking to find the woman standing over him as one or two chapters.  Just my two cents.

Ok, that was the bad, now for the good.  I also really like the gradual shift in viewpoint.  It was really cool, but again, it took me until my reread to notice it because you lost me in the third part.  They way you shifted by degrees reminded me of the chapter in The Shadow Rising I just read actually.  The characters seem interesting, and I could see myself becoming attached, and if I forget about the erotic bathing scene, the scene with him comforting her and her saving him despite the fact that they are enemies was actually very sweet.  I guess it stands to reason, when a disaster like the one that just hit happens, they are both just people.  If you focused on this more, I could see him being more ready to trust an enemy, but as is, I think he should be more trustworthy.

I hope that helped.  give us more, I want to see where this goes!

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