Hi Reaves,
Good for you for having the wisdom (and courage!) to use a week like this to get "big picture" feedback from everyone. That's really important to do. The fact that you initiated this conversation solidifies again in my mind the fact that you may be one of the most passionate and productive writers in our group. (That's not intended to put anybody else down!) You clearly have a knack for writing, and I 100% believe that you have the potential to be a professional fantasy writer in the future.
Because you are somebody who is able to take honest feedback and grow with it, then I'll say that right now, Crystalheart-- as you have submitted it to us thus far-- is IMHO, nowhere near the quality it would need to be to be published. See below for more specific feedback, but the single largest input I can give you is that your writing is still very raw. While you CLARLY are demonstrating a huge imagination and talent for world-building, the story, characters, and themes that you've presented seem to be be echoes or light-weight responses to other fantasy novels. I get the sense that you're still at the stage where you're subconsciously imitating other writer's styles, rather than using your own. And that's OK! God knows all of us on this list do it, and I'm sure as heck no exception. Your strength right now is in the scope of your vision. And your ability to churn out pages. Now we just need to stop wearing your dad's shoes and define your own sense of style.
The best thing you can do right now is KEEP GOING. Finish your novel. A completed, yet flawed novel, is better than having a flawed incomplete mound of paper. You're a storyteller first and foremost. Tell your story completely. Then you can go back and fix it.
1. How have you seen the following themes and motifs present in the work presented so far? What do you think of them? Are there any themes or motifs that you have seen in the work that are not present in the list below?
Themes
-Who am I?
-Freedom
-Friendship/loyalty
-Betrayal
Eh. I don't get a
strong sense of any of those. Your theme should be easy to identify by this point, and I'm still not quite sure what it is. (BTW, as of this writing, I think I've read as far as chapter 13. (??) 15 maybe. )
Something else to consider: what do you as a writer have to offer on these themes? Do you have some insight, a story, or a point you're trying to make? What can you, as a person, teach me about these things?
(Now you know why so many published writers tell you to get out and live life! Go gain some experiences, some heartache, and some triumphs, so that you can share your thoughts with the world via your words. )
Motifs
-Red and Blue
-Wings
I missed the red and blue. But that may be because there are long breaks in between when I read your chapters.
I DEFINITELY picked up on the "wings" imagery and think its very good. You mentioned before that "Wingless" is the name of this section of the book. Good title.
2. How do you think I have failed or succeeded in avoiding or using clichés? Give examples if you like.
The cliches I see you using are more in your writing rather than in your story itself. You refer to swordplay as "dancing" a lot. The swordmaster who once trained Aermyst had a line like "I'm not getting any younger." The stuff with Ilis that we've discussed in your other threads.
Your warriors all seem unbeatable.
3. What do you think are consistent flaws present throughout the work, such as: weak style, faulty pacing, poor characterization, nonexistent voice, etc?
See my initial comments above.
4. What do you think is the number one thing I need to work on as a writer?
Style. Quality of prose.
Ah, crap. That was 2 things huh? *snaps fingers*
5. What is the number one piece of advice you have found most useful for yourself personally as a writer?
Hmmm.. It's hard to narrow down "the best". But I think I've really benefitted from the idea that each character believes they are the center of their own story.
6. What do you think of the following characters: Aermyst, Ilis, Marlin, Tristan, Zael, and Dantes. Choose from any or all of the following questions.
NOTE: Although Ilis and most likely Tristan are going to be drastically reworked, I'd still like to see what you think of them.
-Rate them from 1 to 10, with 1 meaning you don't feel any sympathy for the character and couldn't care less for their plot arc, and 10 meaning that this character is brilliantly realized and heartbreakingly sympathetic. Please explain why you chose that number.
-Do you think this character is round or flat? Static or dynamic? (provide defs)
-Do a character analysis. This follows the formula: (Character name) wants ____, is willing to do ____, and ____ stands in his or her way.
Aermyst - 5 - round-ish - dynamic. Needs clearer motives. He started out with a revenge plot. But that seems to have switched to a "figure out how to get my crystal back". Not sure I really understand WHY he needs it. Or why I would care if he gets it. HE was, afterall, more arrogant before he lost it.
Tristian - 5 - has a mysterious and interesting setup. I want to know what his deal is.
Zael - 3 - I don't really care about him at all. I liked the silver-haired Sepiroth guy better.
Dantes - 3 - I liked him better dead. ;-) His new motivations are way out of line. Which is OK, but I'd like to hear Aermyst wonder about it, ponder it, etc.
Marlin - 5 - Good setup. He seems like YOUR favorite character, and the writing reflects this. Seems likely that he's headed for turning into a crystalheart. Which is fine. Cool, even.
Ilis - 2 - eh.
7. Choose from among the following questions about the plot, setting, world, and characters.
a. How well do you know the plot, setting, world, and characters? Do you feel lost and confused or do you feel like you have a firm grasp of what is happening and why?
b. How well do you sympathize/care about the plot, setting, world, and characters? Does the world and setting inspire only a passing interest, or none at all? Are you emotionally invested in the plot and characters?
c. Do you feel you can predict certain events in the future of the book's storyline, in general terms? If so, what? If not, is it because the story hasn't flowed in a predictable fashion, or because the plot simply doesn't interest you enough to attempt to predict where it will go, or for some other reason?
I enjoy your world. I wish I had a map to refer to.
I really want to know more about your magic system. How does it work? What makes heartcrystals? Why do they have these powers? WHAT powers to they actually give? (Speed and super jump? What else?)
Your post-apocalyptic back story is really intriguing. It's one of my favorite parts of your story. I enjoy that you shake up the fantasy genre a little by showing that the past was possibly a sci-fi like setting.
8. What do you think of the following predictions made by Hamster concerning where the story is going?
a. Marlin's intense studying will bring him the answer to how to get Aermyst's soul back, as well as stuff about the relics and the ancient civilization.
b. Aermyst will ignore what Marlin tries to tell him, will do his own thing and fail.
c. Tristan is actually the Tian guy who got his soul stolen 200 years ago, and isn't actually dead.
d.The super powerful guy who took Aermyst's and Dantes' souls is also the guy who had taken Tian's soul then.
e. Some huge catastrophe is going to happen or some army is going to invade or something(this also has to do with the relics and the ancient civilization), and that is way Zael(is that his name?it's something with a 'Z') told Aermyst that they are saving the world.
I had not considered any of those ideas. All of them could work though.
9. Are there any observations about my writing style or the structure of the story or the way the chapters flow that you would like to bring to my attention? Examples might include how I use passive voice too much, or how all my chapters seems to follow the same formula, or something similar.
See initial comments above. Your chapter lengths are okay, if a little short. Consider adding more conflict to each chapter. Aermyst is having a tough time right now, but I am not sure he's being challenged enough. Not in terms of big plot, but in little things. For example: In the early chapters, he dominated his crew chief too easily. He got his money too easy in the first town. He got a room too easily. He got his new fancy sword too easily. In truth, he made it across the desert too easily. (And found the crystal hoard too easily). He got into the fancy city (name escapes me right now) too easily. He got up the tall tower too easily. His old mentor was too nice too him. It was too easy to fit back in. At least Dantes doesn't like him now. (Although those motives are wacky. See above) You get the idea. Brandon once said that really good chapters tend to have their own conflicts, their own beginning, middle, and ends.
In reading your book, I know a lot of Aermyst's surface thoughts. And a lot of what he does in terms of his actions. But I kind of wish he (and you) would dig deeper into his thoughts and feelings. Example: His best friend just came back to life and now hates him for no obvious reason. I'd love to see that explored in far more depth. (Maybe you have done so in later chapters. I'm not that caught up yet)
10. Is there anything you have read recently that feels similar in any way to what you have seen in Crystalheart so far?
Mistborn. See my initial comments about reflecting the styles of those you admire. (Again, we all do it!)
11. Is there a character that you especially like reading about? This does not have to be a main character, but simply somebody you think is interesting. Ex, Mourne, Deragon, Ulidar, etc.
Aermyst is my favorite. Tristian is intriguing.
Conclusion: keep going! Finish it! This is your first novel. You're going to run into these issues, as we all are. It took Brandon 6 times to get it right, remember? You're doing fine.
And, finally, FWIW, I'm learning from you via your writing! (And I don't mean from a "here's what not to do" sense...lol)
J
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(And over at Reading Excuses when I can)
Everyone brings something unique and helpful to the table.