Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Brandon Sanderson => Topic started by: ryos on October 11, 2009, 05:35:32 AM
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MEMORANDUM
Attn: All Hands
Re: Religious Discrimination
Due to the recent passage of the Tar Valon Fair Employment Act, the White Tower can no longer continue to discriminate against any Sister based solely on her creed. Therefore, effective immediately, we formally recognize the existence of the Black Ajah and grant it full and equal standing in the Hall of the Tower. Any Aes Sedai who declares for the Black is not to be persecuted.
Let us welcome our sisters of minority religious persuasion into the fold. Together, we shall again control the world.
Elaida a'Rohan
Watcher Over the Seals
The Flame of Tar Valon
The Amyrlin Seat
...I'm a dork. :o
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LOL. :)
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LOL!
...And today on The View, we have Rand Al'Thor, author of 2012 and the Prophesies of the Dragon. Most people would be labeled somewhat odd for claiming that they were the reincarnated soul of a 3000 year old dead warrior, but his book is a best seller all the way from Amadicia to Tear.
But first, simplicity is back as Egwene reviews Tar Valon Fashion Week, and later, clinical psychologist Nynaeve al'Meara talks about getting out of a rut by setting yourself seemingly impossible goals.
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Coming up on Doctor Phil: "Coping With Grief" with Lews Therin Telamon.
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Watch tonight as all time Champion Mat Cauthon defends his 37st WSOP title in Vegas....
Later on: Perrin Aybara explains his wild success with his managment seminars "Get that BITE back!"
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Tonight on the Office, Elaida guest stars as a corporate CEO gone wrong.
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On Oprah the Lady Faile Bashere 't' Ayabra will teach you how to manage your man through lies, deciet, and freaking out over absolutely every little thing possible.
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The #1 best-seller of 997 NE: Men are from Shayol Ghul, women are from Tar Valon: a guide to building communication and trust between the sexes
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RT @dragonreborn: Just visited Elayne and the little dragon. I swear, if that kid gets any cuter I'm not going to have to do any fighting at the Last Battle. I'll just hold him up for everyone to see. The shadowspawn will die from cute overload and Shai'tan will scurry back into his dark little hole to avoid being turned to the Light.
I don't know how he managed to post such a long tweet. He's the Dragon.
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Mr. Universe, Lan Mandragoran, has just released his 1st excercise video.... Sheperd with Two Left Feet
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Up next on our two full songs without commercials block, we'll be hearing the latest hit single from Al'Lan and the Mandragorans: "Come on, Nyneave!" followed by Thom Merrilin's "Radio Killed the Common Room Star."
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Mazrim Taim and the Black Tower gains instant online popularity for creating a webservice that, for a small fee, will have an asha'man cast a spell and stab someone in the face through the internet. Trolls have finally met their match!
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Survivor: Land of the Madmen
followed by
The Apprentice with Moridin
(Instead of being fired, your balefired)
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(Instead of being fired, your balefired)
See, that's awesome. There will have only been one entrant in the competition by the time it's over. ;D ;D ;D
A group of elite warriors appeared out of nowhere today on Almoth Plain, all of them wearing Dragon Skin and using power-wrought firearms. A witness claims to have seen Miss Universe runner-up Brigitte Silverrifle and wheelchair-bound genius Steven Hawking attacking the occupying Sanchean army. Lady Morsa, a Sanchean herself, sent out the following message in a bottle before boarding her plane and scampering off with the rest of the Sancheans.
"It was horrible! They were everywhere! And unlike normal soldiers, who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these so-called Heroes of the Horn with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth, bore down on us like fierce sharks in a feeding frenzy of blood!"
Geofram Bornhald and the Whitecloak army that appeared just days before these events were almost completely destroyed. Dain Bornhald, Geofram's son is the only known survivor.
"The Children now have proof that the Aes Sedai are behind all of these wars and the appearance of the Sanchean. I saw those Tar Valon witches blow up all of my friends. I won't forget this, unless I run into that yellow eyed dude who embarrassed me last book. I hate that guy."
Bornhald seems to be suffering from idiocy, a mental condition common to many Whitecloaks
Madness and drug abuse seem to be the leading causes of the inaccuracy and discrepancies between different witnesses. Bayle Domon, the owner of a shady shipping company, claims to have seen Michael the Archangel and Gaidal Cain the Accursed fighting side-by-side in the mysterious military unit.
"Well, there did be Michael, radiant as the sun, and next to him were Cain the Destroyer, shooting everything that moved with his Desert Eagles. It did be totally rad."
Perhaps in time, non-batshit witnesses will come forward. Meanwhile, Reports of an Aiel and the devil having a ten-pace shootout in the sky above a fog-shrouded Toman Head continue to pour in, and I <3 Heroes of the Horn shirts and other commemorative memorabilia have caused an immediate and dramatic upturn in Falme's economy.
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Billy Mayes here! If you're tired of your glasses always breaking in the frequent earthquakes and other strangeness that have been plaguing the lands lately, or if you think you'll be hosting a dinner party for the Dragon Reborn anytime soon, then cuendillar goblets are right for you! Kick them, practice your sword forms on them, throw them in fire... even use balefire on them, and they don't break! Hand crafted by Aes Sedai in a camp outside of Tar Valon, these are the strongest goblets EVER CREATED! But if you call now, we'll give you not one cuendillar goblet, but a second one free! And that's not all, friends that I am gesturing at insanely on this amazing commercial! If you act in the next five minutes, you can get a complete set of cuendillar dishes, absolutely free!
Well, my time's up ladies and gentlemen, and the Horn of Valere calls me back to the Wheel. Fast-talking robot commercial guy will give you the number to call to get in on this FANTASTIC deal now!
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I miss that big annoying voice.... if he is reincarnated shoot me.
P.S. You may ignore this post as it was a public service anouncement
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Mazrim Taim and the Black Tower gains instant online popularity for creating a webservice that, for a small fee, will have an asha'man cast a spell and stab someone in the face through the internet. Trolls have finally met their match!
At first I was like ???
but then I was like :o
and now I'm like LOL :D
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This week on Tool Academy, one couple has a breakthrough in Therapy when Tuon admits she misses the romance they had when Mat carried her off. Later, one girlfriend goes crazy in the Girls' House when she believes another Tool's girlfriend has designs on her boyfriend. And when Rand has to decide which of his three girlfriends he takes with him on his date, will he do the right thing, or is he just a Tool?
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"It was horrible! They were everywhere! And unlike normal soldiers, who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these so-called Heroes of the Horn with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth, bore down on us like fierce sharks in a feeding frenzy of blood!"
+10 for obscure references to midget pirates. ;D
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MEMORANDUM
Attn: All Hands
Re: Religious Discrimination
Due to the recent passage of the Tar Valon Fair Employment Act, the White Tower can no longer continue to discriminate against any Sister based solely on her creed. Therefore, effective immediately, we formally recognize the existence of the Black Ajah and grant it full and equal standing in the Hall of the Tower. Any Aes Sedai who declares for the Black is not to be persecuted.
Let us welcome our sisters of minority religious persuasion into the fold. Together, we shall again control the world.
Elaida a'Rohan
Watcher Over the Seals
The Flame of Tar Valon
The Amyrlin Seat
...I'm a dork. :o
I love this!! LOL too funny! :D
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I believe I saw one good one on wotmania that noted that Brown Ajah sisters would become internet addicted slobs.
Some of mine:
Whitecloaks form internet communities claiming that darkfriends were behind 9/11
Rumors fly that Obama was born in Shayol Ghul.
Rand in anger management therapy.
Mat, Min, Thom and Faile arrested on multiple counts of concealed weaponry.
Two Rivers Tabac is required to have a warning label alerting smoker that Tabac is a known cancer causing compound.
Tinkers are constantly arrested for vagrancy, loitering and trespassing.
Semirhage works at the IRS.
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Yesterday at the signing, Brandon answered this question: Where do you think Rand would stand on healthcare reform?
"He would find out which forsake is running these insurance companies, and he would balefire them. And then he would let Elayne clean up the mess and take care of the actual governing."
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Lol... amen!
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Yesterday at the signing, Brandon answered this question: Where do you think Rand would stand on healthcare reform?
"He would find out which forsake is running these insurance companies, and he would balefire them. And then he would let Elayne clean up the mess and take care of the actual governing."
Haha, Awsome!
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Todays headline: Ringling brothers, Barnum, Bailey, and Luca's Circus is proud to present The Greatest Gleeman alive: Thom Merrilin in his sellout show.