Timewaster's Guide Archive
General => Rants and Stuff => Topic started by: firstRainbowRose on September 08, 2009, 04:43:41 AM
-
Why is it that everyone always feels the need to add "no offense" to things they say? No matter if you say it or not, a person might take offense. And if you REALLY don't mean to offend someone, you'll either not say whatever it is, or say it nicer.
Sorry, just something I had to get off my chest after something that happened today. I was hoping maybe someone here might have an idea why.
-
It's a qualifier of intent. "I'm not saying this to be mean, and I think that if you understand what I mean by it you won't take offense, so please don't." Which is far too long and sounds a bit fruity, so we just say "no offense" instead. ;D
-
i think it's a way people can insult you guilt free!!! b/c in their mind the little phrase makes the statement polite. Yes i know this is ridiculous but people are stupid.
-
No offense, but is this topic necessary? (obviously, i'm joking here)
But seriously, i think the previous two posts are both are correct. Sometimes people will say it when they want to say something that can come off as offensive, but don't mean it like that, and other people try to use it to insult you guilt free.
Example:
"No offense, but you're a dumb idiot" - Insulting usage
"No offense, but these numbers actually prove you wrong" - Constructive usage
-
I tend to be a bit blunt at times and I find that I have a hard time realizing when I'm doing it. I agree that "No offense" can be constuctive and insultiung. Personally I use the phrase all the time. Sometimes people take offense either way but as long as you dont really mean to offend someone then you can further explain yourself to them.
-
I'm with fRR all the way. "No offense" is a lame excuse for not taking the effort to say something that's not offensive.
-
Ah, but what if it is only perceived as offensive and not meant to be? I personally think that we, as a society have developed thin skins. We are quick to take offense and slow to forgive.
If I say something that you find offensive, let me know. I may not have meant it to be. If you keep it to yourself and stay offended, it is your choice, but don't come whining to me in a week saying how offended you were. It was your choice to be offended, unless offense was intended.
-
Well put Hero. Its up to both parties, both the possibly offended and the possible offender. As long as they are able to have an adult conversation than offense can be avoided. The issue is that more often than not people aren't able to have adult conversations with others.
-
Don't take offense. The horses will get out. :P
Seriously, I think that 'no offense' is just a little too easy for people to say and if you really want to give constructive criticism, there should be a bit more to it then that. Not that getting yourself a thicker skin wouldn't be helpful, but I suppose it just depends on the circumstance. And yes, telling someone that they upset you is always helpful.
-
It's dumb to say that someone should only take offense if it's intended. Indeed, when offense is intended is probably the least advisable time to take offense. But it's quite easy to very ignorantly say offensive things. How someone reacts is up to them, but the very act of saying "No offense, but" is your acknowledgment that what you are about to say might be offensive. If you have the brainpower to acknowledge that, saying "no offense" instead of actually changing what you're going to say is sheer laziness.
Don't try to put the onus back on the person who's offended, though I definitely agree that people shouldn't sit there holding grudges about something someone said when that person may not have meant to be rude in the first place. But that's not what this conversation is about. It's about the sheer laziness of saying "no offense" at all.
-
It's not necessarily laziness, as in many conversations it is difficult to come up with a nicer thing way to say something quickly enough for your comment to still be relevant. In which case it's a problem of lack of practice, IMO.
I talk very fast, but I can usually swap words around an be nice without the disclaimer at the start of my sentence. It's even possible to revise the end of your sentence without anyone knowing based on peoples' reactions to the start of your sentence. Many people attempt this and fail miserably (and sometimes hilariously, as sitcoms have so skillfully shown us).
If we sent people to finishing school, maybe the problem would be solved. Then again, maybe Americans would just get better at inserting barbs into conversation. I don't know.
-
It almost feels like some people are taking offense to this conversation. Kidding.
I think that people who use the phrase "no offense" aren't doing it out of laziness. I agree that it used as a sort of disclamer. More of a "be advised" sort of warning that what the person is about to say is probably going to be offensive in some way to some people. I don't think theres anything wrong with that.
The term alone doesn't mean that outright disregard for other peoples feelings will ensue, all it means is that the person talking is cognizant of the fact that what they are saying could offend. So what? Just because what I'm saying could be offensive doesn't mean it shouldn't be discussed. I personally use the phrase when I am aware that I will be offensive. Its kind of like starting my offensiveness off with some preliminary defense. It's not really a bad way to go when you really don't want to offend. At least that way it gives you a good starting point if the need should arise for you to further explain your wish not to be offensive. I'm generally not going to talk to strangers in an offensive way (for the most part). So the majority of the time you may say something involving "no offense" would be with people who you are at least acquainted with. If they decide to take what you have to say, get offended and then let that affect them then whatever. I personally am not going to go cry.
-
To build on what GreenMonsta said, use of "no offense" demonstrates that you actually care whether or not your audience is going to get offended. If you didn't care you wouldn't bother.
Another use (and, upon reflection, my most common usage) of the phrase is when saying something that reasonable people would not take offense to, but, let's be honest, there are a lot of unreasonable people in this world and you never know how someone is going to react. Best to hedge your bets.
-
I'm with Ook on this, if you have the foresight to understand that someone may be offended by the way you put forth an opinion you then change the way you present it. To do otherwise is foolish and more or less looking for conflict. And please don't tell me there is only one way to put forth a specified idea because you can't just think one up off the top of your head...biding your time isn't a bad thing.
-
And please don't tell me there is only one way to put forth a specified idea because you can't just think one up off the top of your head...biding your time isn't a bad thing.
Poppycock. What's an inoffensive way to ask someone to use breath mints? How do you tell someone their work is really bad, without giving offense? You know you're just trying to be helpful, but what do they think? Do you spit it out and let it be their problem, or do you try to help them understand your motivations?
-
I have a proposal. We must all start saying "mo' offense" tacked to the end of a sentence instead of "no offense" at the start to see if what we're saying could possibly be offensive to the parties the comments are directed at. This works best if it's used in a totally innocuous comment because of the Chaos it may cause.
You are discussing a specific communicative trend observed to take place in everyday conversation on an online forum, mo' offense. Some of you are of a different gender than I, mo' offense. Mo' offense, you have an ugly face and you are stupid.
I really don't know if it works better with the qualifier before the sentence or after. Hmm...
-
And please don't tell me there is only one way to put forth a specified idea because you can't just think one up off the top of your head...biding your time isn't a bad thing.
Poppycock. What's an inoffensive way to ask someone to use breath mints? How do you tell someone their work is really bad, without giving offense? You know you're just trying to be helpful, but what do they think? Do you spit it out and let it be their problem, or do you try to help them understand your motivations?
Wow, if you ever begin a conversation with someone about an issue like that with "no offense," you're being extremely sloppy and careless. I think you've pretty much proven my point.
-
I prefer the phrase "with offense." I use it regularly.
-
Good for you Bookstore Guy! At least your honest.
I don't know, for some reason I don't have an issue with the phrase. I do however side with ryos here. The useage shows that there is awareness of possible offense. Why is that a problem? The speaker is aware that what they are about to say may be offensive. Its that easy. The phrase isn't intended to be irritating it just ends up being that way. In the end I think that's the problem. Its use irritates people because some people find it lazy or careless while others just find it pointless.
I guess the real answer to the initial question of "Why no offense?" is simple. There are an assortment of reasons. It can be used genuinely by intelligent people (against what some people believe) and it can be used as a catch all "don't blame me for being rude" type of statement. As with many things people say, it in itself is nothing but a phrase. How about if someone said with complete sincerity at the beginning or end of a statement "no offense intended and I apologize if any was taken"? I'm sure that would be better received but in the habit of most Americans we tend to cut things short. Yeah I guess its cold but again I guess this more of one of those "deal with it" type of things anyway.
-
I do see what you mean with the breath mints thing, but I can still think of a way to say it without using the term "no offense."
I don't think I have ever used that saying, nor do I think I ever will. I personally hold with Thumper's belief: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. If someone asks me for their opinion, then the qualifier isn't nessary. If the person hasn't asked, but I still need to say something, I'll think of a polite way of saying it. (IE - Hey, do you want a breath mint? OR Do you have a breath mint I can have? In truth I'll usually use the second, and nine times out of ten the person, if they have one, will pop one in themselves.)
It bugs me though because there are people who are around me who just use it as an exuse to say rude things and get away with it. And if you do happen to take offense (which, a lot of the time we do), they just shrug and are all like "Well, I didn't mean it offensively" as though we're being the immature ones for it. (For an example of how it was used. "No offense, but that's stupid. Why would anyone want to go there?" <-- In reference to a favorite vacation spot.)
So, while you might not mean offense by comment, just becauses you tack that statement on, doesn't mean that you've got a free pass. I really do think people need to think things through before saying them.
-
In that respect I completely agree fRR. People often use is as an excuse to be rude and I agree that its not needed.
-
But it can be very useful and fun at times. Like say there's this really annoying person who you want to get rid of, but you don't want the rest of the world to think that you're a jerk. This works pretty well.
I am, of course, kidding. I tend to agree with the sentiment that it's just an excuse to say whatever you want to say.
-
I am on the fence on this one. I think intent is what matters most. I think most of us know when someone is trying to hide rudeness vs someone who is being preemptive. For example: "No offense, but you're fat". Not only is that offensive, but you also lied. Now if you say "No offense, but your weight could cause health problems later in life", you are offering constructive criticism on a sensitive subject. Also, those who say "No offense" at the end of the sentence could genuinely have only realized at the end that what they said could have that affect. Someone who used to work with me had a job hiring at Disney, and she hired a lot of little people. One day, when she was working with one of these people, she made the comment along the lines of "let's just take baby steps for now". Definitely a poor choice of phrase, but she did not mean to be offensive. It never hurts to give people the benefit of the doubt the first time.
As an offshoot to this, my favorite tack on has always been "With all due respect". It means absolutely nothing, yet somehow sounds polite, even though 99% of the time you are being anything but.
-
As an offshoot to this, my favorite tack on has always been "With all due respect". It means absolutely nothing, yet somehow sounds polite, even though 99% of the time you are being anything but.
Oh, I think it can be given meaning. Somehow this little deconstruction of the phrase comes to mind:
(http://www.schlockmercenary.com/comics/schlock20020815.png)