Timewaster's Guide Archive

General => Everything Else => Topic started by: ErikHolmes on August 09, 2009, 09:27:47 PM

Title: Man vs. Woman
Post by: ErikHolmes on August 09, 2009, 09:27:47 PM
LOL. Hate me if you must, but I thought this was funny.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

Don't be mad, ladies. It's funny :P
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: FantasyAngel on August 09, 2009, 10:44:11 PM
I've heard that one before and also think it's hilarious yet I have to admit that it's so typical of us women.  Funny enough a lot of women get mad at me for admitting to that. ;D  Oh well that's just me, I'm very in touch with my masculine side.
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: Silk on August 10, 2009, 12:00:40 AM
Typical of "us women"? Speak for yourself.

Shopping is the devil.
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: FantasyAngel on August 10, 2009, 12:38:10 AM
I was meaning that generally, I personally don't fall into the main woman stereotype either so please don't take offense as I said I do tend to irritate other women with my views.  Don't know why must be a talent  :P
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: Silk on August 10, 2009, 12:53:02 AM

No, I wasn't offended, just being a smart alec, so sorry if it came off that way.

Although I really DO think shopping is the devil.

Also, the girl in the joke totally got what was coming to her...
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: Frog on August 10, 2009, 01:10:34 AM
I don't know.... I think they both are showing signs of destructive behavior and faulty logic that will probably lead to years of therapy rather than a long and healthy relationship, but I suppose that's where the joke comes in. Curse all my psychology classes. They have ruined all such jokes for me because I want to swoop in and diagnose. I knew college had to be evil. >:(

I can agree with Silk at least. Shopping is NOT fun. It just drains all my energy. I'm not sure where it all goes, but I usually blame aliens. :P   
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: FantasyAngel on August 10, 2009, 01:14:32 AM
I agree about the shopping I can't stand it but I always make the exception for my books.  I could spend all day shopping for a book no problem.
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: Andrew the Great on August 10, 2009, 07:52:32 PM
Shopping for other people is the devil. If it's for me, I can go on for 3 or 4 hours no problem, though I'd probably have to go to Barnes and Noble and Best Buy to manage that. I don't really do clothes shopping for more than about 20 minutes at a time.

For other people.... 1 hour is about the most I can take, and that's really rough....
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: Silk on August 10, 2009, 08:48:14 PM
Book shopping I could stand, but for some reason none of my female friends seem to get this. They want to go shopping for silly things like clothes and shoes.

I don't get it!

Frog: Yes, they're both being pretty moronic here. But (for the purposes of the joke anyway) she started it!!


Why yes, I really am this mature ALL the time. :D
Title: Re: Man vs. Woman
Post by: The Jade Knight on August 13, 2009, 09:29:49 PM
The one thing I absolutely love shopping for is...