Timewaster's Guide Archive

General => Rants and Stuff => Topic started by: sortitus on May 08, 2009, 05:05:56 AM

Title: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: sortitus on May 08, 2009, 05:05:56 AM
I was getting jealous of miyabi's celebration thread (which is awesome, BTW), and I wanted to put this lame pun I made up somewhere when I saw that this here Rants section specifically allows telling stupid jokes. Thank Jark I didn't have to go anywhere else to post. The interwebs are scary. The pun/joke/non-sequitur thingy:

I'm doing my dissertation on humor. In it I prove that there are two kinds of humor: funny and not funny. This statement is the ladder.

I've used it offline to evade telling people what I'm actually doing in college, but nobody got it and/or thought it was funny. I think it works better as a written joke, plus people tend to believe whatever I say, so I hope that it gets a better (or at least more extreme) reaction here.

I made the poll so you can change your answers! Just in case, I guess!

Everybody else, post the puns! This thread is'pun! (Woo! Triple wordplay pun! Raise your hand if you got it!)
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: The Jade Knight on May 08, 2009, 07:01:26 AM
If you haven't read his work (not sure if it's published yet, if not, contact him), you should read Dallin D. Oaks' work on humour.  Might be right up your alley.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: ryos on May 08, 2009, 07:36:19 AM
He had better be related to Dallin H. Oaks. Otherwise, his parents were just cruel.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: The Jade Knight on May 08, 2009, 07:45:19 AM
His son, actually.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: CthulhuKefka on May 08, 2009, 03:23:49 PM
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"


What?  ;)
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: darxbane on May 08, 2009, 05:56:35 PM
a termite walks into a saloon and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Patriotic Kaz on May 08, 2009, 07:48:06 PM
Wow that one was bad darxbane....i mean that was REALLY bad... worst than blonde jokes :P
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: readerMom on May 09, 2009, 12:22:52 AM
That is a classic! My 9 & 10 yr old boys were just experimenting with this joke and its permutations.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: benvolio3 on May 09, 2009, 08:19:42 PM
lol...

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

... okay that's all
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: The Jade Knight on May 10, 2009, 11:54:51 AM
So, two man went hunting out in the forest, not far from a major highway.  At one point during their hunt, one of the two men tripped and fell, hitting his head against a rock.  He hit it so hard, that he immediately fell unconscious, and blood started pouring out of his head.  His friend, seeing that his companion was grieviously injured, and worried that the poor man had been killed, immediately pulled out his cell phone and called 911.  On the phone, the following conversation occured:
The man:  "Help!  My friend fell and hit his head, and died!  What should I do?"
Operator:  "Okay.  First, make sure he's dead…"
A second later, a shot resounded over the phone line.
Man:  "Okay, now what?"
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: sortitus on May 10, 2009, 06:12:43 PM
Operator:  "Okay.  First, make sure he's dead…"
I am pretty sure that he dialed the wrong number. Perhaps he was speaking to a mafia operator.

Random sidenote/question: Has anyone here tried dialing "666"? It goes through (in the US), so I'm guessing it's the CIA. ;) This mystery has long plagued me, and I am too chicken to just call and ask who it is in case it's some sort of emergency number/puts you on a hit list.

Now for something completely different:
Mermaid friend who is a girl comforting her friend who is also a girl: Mermen are all sons of fishes.

I don't know. It's not even remotely funny to me either.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: darxbane on May 11, 2009, 05:50:46 PM
Wow that one was bad darxbane....i mean that was REALLY bad... worst than blonde jokes :P

I question your judgement on humor, Kaz.  Some blonde jokes are really funny.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: sortitus on May 11, 2009, 05:55:18 PM
(To recycle an ancient pun...) I found your post humerus, darx. Maybe even proximally humerus.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: darxbane on May 11, 2009, 06:00:30 PM
Wow, anatomy humor.  :D  How about some Advice puns?  I can only think of one right now:

A wise man once said; "It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it".
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Eerongal on May 11, 2009, 07:34:02 PM
I love puns!

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Proverb-type puns:

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.



Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Peter Ahlstrom on May 11, 2009, 07:57:41 PM
Urrr. Let's keep it clean, please.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Patriotic Kaz on May 11, 2009, 07:58:32 PM
Wow Eerongal i like the bubble...probably because it's true
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Shrain on May 11, 2009, 10:35:34 PM
Thanks, Ookla.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Eerongal on May 11, 2009, 10:41:59 PM
Urrr. Let's keep it clean, please.

Sorry. I considered not posting those two since they were kinda dirty-ish. Shoulda stuck with my gut feeling. Removed! :)
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: darxbane on May 12, 2009, 10:05:49 PM
Oh, OK.  I thought my post was the one Ook was talking about.  Eerongal, PM me the two unseemly ones you removed, I didn't get a chance to read them.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Shaggy on May 13, 2009, 09:47:44 PM
Me, too, please.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: sortitus on May 16, 2009, 02:01:23 AM
I think we are approaching the 50% pun threshold. Nobody trip on it, it's bad luck.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Shaggy on June 02, 2009, 10:17:28 PM
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here - I'll go on a head".
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
(Chain e-mail.)
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Eerongal on June 02, 2009, 10:21:56 PM
one of my all time favorite (anti) jokes:

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man it's hot in here." The other muffin goes "Oh my god, a talking muffin!"
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Shaggy on June 02, 2009, 10:23:50 PM
Sorry Eerongal  :-[ I'm being dense here…could you maybe help me out and explain that one? Thanks.  :-[ :-[
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Eerongal on June 02, 2009, 10:27:40 PM
Sorry Eerongal  :-[ I'm being dense here…could you maybe help me out and explain that one? Thanks.  :-[ :-[

It's an anti-joke. The (lack of) punchline is meant to be non-sequitor, random, and cause confusion.

Edit: Another common example of an anti-joke is that standard "why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side" joke. You expect a comedic, pun-filled punch line, but get a common sense answer
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Shaggy on June 02, 2009, 10:38:16 PM
Ohhh haha that's funny now…it's like a trick pun!
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: sortitus on March 11, 2010, 06:55:20 AM
I'm allowed to necrotize my own thread, right? For an awesome pun that happened today? No? TOO BAD! I MAKE THE RULES HERE! banned - modtitus Daaaaang.

I remarked to somebody that the reason that most people think that fractions are difficult is because of their christian upbringing. When they inquired why, I told them that it was because almost all fractions are unwholly numbers. Yeah, they just looked at me angrily. Then again, my problem may have been their being a math major.

I need a framework for this punchline, which I will work on, but for now, you just get how it happened. Solly. My story ideas involving catholic schools and picking up satanist chicks at bars look semi-promising though.

Maybe my puns require too much setup? I just like slipping the pun in there to see if people notice. Then again, I hardly ever make it through any of my punstories without laughing. Normal jokes aren't a problem. Hmm. I have much to think about.
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: zas678 on April 03, 2010, 12:27:43 AM
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey! Why the long face?"
Title: Re: The Legendary Traveling Pun Circus! Half pun OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
Post by: Renoard on April 20, 2010, 01:43:51 PM
A horse walk into a bar and and says, "Excuse me I didn't see you there."
The bar bars its teeth and kills the horse to feed her cubs.