Timewaster's Guide Archive
Local Authors => Writing Group => Topic started by: stacer on January 04, 2007, 09:39:54 PM
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I'm stumped. I'm trying to work up a header for a back cover of a new book, and I'm trying to brainstorm the right words, and coming up dry.
So, I turn to you, my word-loving friends.
Help!
The situation: second book of a series, and this header will give a flavor more than describe any specifics. So, without telling you specifics besides that Hallowmere is a place, can you help me?
Here's what I've brainstormed:
The battle to control Hallowmere leaves Corrine’s dreams—and haunt her in daylight
The battle to control Hallowmere enters Corrine’s waking hours
As the Fey depart Corrine’s dreams, the battle for Hallowmere dawns/builds/intensifies (but intensifies doesn't feel right--feels too heavy in syllables. want something as dark as intensifies, but one syllable)
...something else entirely?
Anyone?
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Seethes. Flares. Smolders.
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Seeps. Swells. Spills. Bursts.
(e.g. into daylight)
I know nothing about back-cover copy: just attracted by the title of the thread since I do love words.
I do also like "dawns" since it plays well with ideas of "dreams" and "daylight."
"The battle to control X" seems like an over-used phrase (granted it is a YA book); I like the simpler, punchier "battle for" more. Is it in fact a battle, or a struggle, or...?
Can a battle (actively) haunt?
MattD
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The battle for Hallowmere escapes Corrine's dreams - and haunts her waking hours.
The fey escape from Corrine's dreams and the battle for Hallowmere erupts into the real world.
The battle for Hallowmere erupts from Corrine's dreams into the real world.
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granted it is a YA book
Do I have to defend YA even here??
I want iconic phrases, yes, but not cliche. There's a fine balance. I'm working with a "war" theme, but not wanting to use the word "war."
Hm.
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Whenever I need something catchy I ask myself "How would that movie voice over guy say it?" and that useally works for me.
"In a world where one girls dreams are haunted, a battle for a mere named Hallow is about to errupt!"
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granted it is a YA book
Do I have to defend YA even here??
Not to me -- I'm 33 and some of my favorite books would be classified as YA. I meant that, being 33, I may have seen certain phrases more often than a 13 year old would have: they may feel over-used to me but not to your intended audience. Plus there is a different psychology at work -- the idea of a "battle to control X" may resonate more deeply with a YA audience than it does with me. I don't think either of these statements requires YA to be defended (though feel free if you like, I always enjoy a good battle, er, discussion).
"As the Fey depart Corrine’s dreams, the battle for Hallowmere spills into day"
"The Fey depart Corrine’s dreams, but the battle for Hallowmere spills into day"
It's hard to do this without knowing the story -- each individual word becomes suspect. How/why do the Fey depart: do they flee; do they escape; do they attack/strike; etc.?
"The Fey escape Corrine’s dreams, and the battle for Hallowmere spills into day"
"Dreams of Fey [now] haunt Corrine [in|by] daylight, as a new battle for Hallowmere dawns"
MattD
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just realised this was in the book section, should be in writing group.
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The battle for Hallowmere has only been in Corrine's dreams . . . until now!
The Fey's attack on Hallowmere has been limited to (kept in) Corrine's dreams . . . until now!
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just realised this was in the book section, should be in writing group.
Actually, I put it in books for a reason, because it's a meta-thing about a book cover, rather than writing a book, but whatever.
None of these are actually what I'm getting at, but thanks for trying, guys. I can't give you more info about the story, which of course would help, so I'm going to try other methods. But it's actually good to know that you get the impression that the Fey are actually fighting in her dreams, which is not the impression I was going for at all.
Thanks!
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As the Fey depart Corrine’s dreams, the battle for Hallowmere dawns/builds/intensifies (but intensifies doesn't feel right--feels too heavy in syllables. want something as dark as intensifies, but one syllable)
What about:
As the Fey depart Corrine's dreams, the call to arms for Hallomere mounts/erupts/swells/waxes/.
It is almost as if it needs a little something more but I am not sure what without knowing more of the story.
Kel
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Corrine's dreams become reality as the Fey bring the battle for Hallowmere to the real world
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Cover copy in!
Thanks for all the suggestions, folks. I decided to go another direction entirely, because I realized that people thought the story was about the Fey not being in the real world until this book, and they are, so it was being misleading. Thanks for being my test audience!